Alright I'm back.Sorry about the one month self-given leave.Let's just leave it at I'm 'busy'.Well there is something new,I'm no longer staying in Paramount.So that's one week of transporting funitures and stuff.My back has been in pain since then.Thanks to the mopping,wipping,sweeping,carrying and dusting.Oh,to be specific,sweeping is multiplied by ten.My mother actually went and erm,exorcise?the house.The exorcist used some burnt substance and rice and scatter them all over every corner of the freaking house.Protection from ghost or thief?Either way,I'm sure its 'effective'(rolls eye).On the bright side,my brother finally knew how it isn't pleasant to feel that pain,haha.By the 6th of November,the house finally became habitable.And then throughout the second week my internet connection was unavailable due to the change of address.So I lived on Doraemon comics and took many naps a day.Not like not using computer is gonna make me study anyway.
Then the third week is when I got lazy although I had my connection back.So I decided to postpone it until after I'm done with my final Math paper.And here we are,two weeks of living in this new house.I finally have my own room,can be as messy as I want,hah.By the way,people seemed surprised that I'm moving again.That's like twice I've moved within a five year range.That's not so often right?When in reality,this is actually my seventh house.So can anyone really blame me for not having an actual home for 18 years?Doesn't bother me though,a home is much more complicated than a simple house.Right,the Math exam.I honestly think,I'm gonna fail.Sigh,prepare to pay for extra college fund.Thinking of getting a new phone as well.Second-handed android phone which my friend is selling for Rm200 because he is a rich fellow.Hmm,still considering it.I can pay for that and let my mom use mine since she wanted to use mine for a long time anyways.Change my blog template to a more clearer view for the readers.Yes I know the design is very noob-ish.It took some time to figure out how to change it actually.And I actually manage to make the chatbox go missing.Took me more than an hour to figure that out.Looks like I've no talent in blog design eh?There's lots more to write but it's getting late,or early?I'll continue this tomorrow.Hopefully this new house will actually be a h-o-m-e like this song.
Apologies for going on a hiatus.Been busy with some errands.When I do have the time,I somehow didn't felt like blogging.But when I felt like blogging,I didn't have the time.Anyway,lets talk about hospitals and everything related to it such as doctors,nurses,patients,visitors and stuff.So recently my little brother was hospitalised only because of my mother who overreacts to every abnormal condition her kids have.When I say hospitalised,it really is just massive vomitting.Sure it's okay to be a little pampered once in a while but never make it a daily thing.He's eight and he doesn't even know how to get water(to drink) on his own.So I took the chance to teach him how to,and he's doing it like he's done it everyday.Mother says she doesn't want the hot water to burn him.That's not called caring.Why not teach him to do it on his own,and if he does get burned once,he'll know to be careful some other time.Like the old saying,give the man a fish,he eats for a day.Teach the man how to fish,he eats forever.Don't give me the think-about-how-she-feels judgement.I'm not so simple minded as to list out my opinions without a thought.Anyway this leads us to,me staying in the hospital waiting for the emergency doctor from 11pm till 2am.After that it was recommended that my brother be admitted to the hospital for monitoring purposes.Fyi,it was the Sunway Medical Centre.My mother stayed in the hospital and I drove home.The next day,I drove there and back two times each so that my mother gets to shower and eat etc etc.The third day,I drove there and waited for 3 hours for the bill and then my brother was discharged from the ward.
So here's my problem.To be clear,my brother did not suffer at all the whole time.So I did as my mother told me to and drive here and there because I wanted to test her theory of 'caring'.No doubt,love comes with suffering.But,isn't it simplier to just NOT FALL SICK?I'm saying this because both of them,my mother and brother gets sick often.Everyone's idea of love is to stand by one's side when they are in need.Why can't they just do something simplier and not worry or cause trouble to anyone.Here's my idea of love : when I start to get ill,I do something about it myself and refuse to go to the doctor because it will cost money.I didn't even tell anyone about being sick except my blog.I can't really blame my brother,he's still a kid.Ever since he was young he had lung problems.And instead of exercising,my mother chose vitamins and chinese herbs.I never had the right to voice out my opinion.It's okay if I have nothing to do with my brother,but when she needs help,I 'MUST' help otherwise she'll get emotional and that will piss me off so much.When she doesn't need help,I'm the guy who teaches-my-brother-in-the-wrong-way-and-don't-know-anything.And everytime either of them get sick,I have to deal with her emotional state.I will never understand why we have to pity and comfort emotional people.It's like,I'm emo = I'm the boss = please pay attention and act according to my reaction.I really hope I don't burst out on the wrong person one day,but I'm really at my limit.Though I learned something at my time at the hospital which is related to some lyric I heard in a Christian song.Those people waiting at the hospital,most of them were couples,because their child fell sick.Both the mom and dad were there,except my brother's.The lyric I heard in the song was,"Fathers were not made to leave".So I think ya'll get my point.Amen.
Article 3 of the Human Rights Act 1998 held the prohibition of torture,without any exceptions.And Article 4 instead helds the prohibition of slavery.Forced labour included(unless one is punished to do community work).Pretty thankful for the studying I did actually.Now I'm able to remember most of the contents of the few chapters I fancy one of which is called the 'Human Rights Act 1998'.Probably because of what I've seen throughout my life,rights doesn't seem to exist at all.It's all about whether you're old or not.Let me just say that,that is a shallow way of thinking.Anyway before I get tempted and drift off to another story,read this tragic story of a tortured woman.
DAY 1: November 22, 1988: Kidnapped
Kept captive in house, and posed as one of boy’s girlfriend
Raped (over 400 times in total)
Forced to call her parents and tell them she had run away
Starved and malnutritioned
Fed cockroaches to eat and urine to drink
Forced to masturbate
Forced to strip in front of others
Burned with cigarette lighters
Foreign objects inserted into her vagina/anus DAY 11: December 1, 1988: Severely beat up countless times
Face held against concrete ground and jumped on
Hands tied to ceiling and body used as a punching bag
Nose filled with so much blood that she can only breath through her mouth
Dumbbells dropped onto her stomach
Vomited when tried to drink water (her stomach couldn’t accept it)
Tried to escape and punished by cigarette burning on arms
Flammable liquid poured on her feet and legs, then lit on fire
Bottle inserted into her anus, causing injury DAY 20: December10, 1989: Unable to walk properly due to severe leg burns
Beat with bamboo sticks
Fireworks inserted into anus and lit
Hands smashed by weights and fingernails cracked
Beaten with golf club
Cigarettes inserted into vagina
Beaten with iron rods repeatedly
Winter; forced outside to sleep in balcony
Skewers of grilled chicken inserted into her vagina and anus, causing bleeding DAY 30: Hot wax dripped onto face
Eyelids burned by cigarette lighter
Stabbed with sewing needles in chest area
Left nipple cut and destroyed with pliers
Hot light bulb inserted into her vagina
Heavy bleeding from vagina due to scissors insertion
Unable to urinate properly
Injuries were so severe that it took over an hour for her to crawl downstairs and use the bathroom
Eardrums severely damaged
Extreme reduced brain size DAY 40: Begged her torturers to “kill her and get it over with” January 1, 1989: Junko greets the New Years Day alone
Body mutilated
Unable to move from the ground DAY 44: January 4, 1989: The four boys beat her mutilated body with an iron barbell, using a loss at the game of Mah-jongg as a pretext. She is profusely bleeding from her mouth and nose. They put a candle’s flame to her face and eyes.Then, lighter fluid was poured onto her legs, arms, face and stomach, and then lit on fire. This final torture lasted for a time of two hours.Junko Furuta died later that day, in pain and alone. Nothing could compare 44 days of suffering she had to go through. When her mother heard the news and details of what had happened to her daughter, she fainted. She had to undergo a psychiatric outpatient treatment.Imagine her endless pain. Her killers are now free men. Justice was never served, not even after 20 years.
They deserve a punishment much greater than they had put upon Furuta, for putting an innocent girl through the most unbearable suffering. This story from 1989 is true. Please spread her story around. Everyone should know about the existence of Junko Furuta’s unimaginable and incomprehensible suffering, and this is why this group has been made. Invite your friends. Never let her story be forgotten. If this story changes the life of at least one person then it has been worth it. Rest In Eternal Peace,
Junko Furuta
1989-Eternity
Okay take a breather.Wipe your tears,if needed.I must compliment on her will to live and faith.To be honest,I'd give up after a week,probably already looking for a way to kill myself.I mean,you did read the whole story right?Everyone probably had the same reaction,"Oh my God".What the hell were the authorities doing for 44 days?I sincerely doubt they were trying their best to search for this poor lady.And what the hell were the legal department doing?!It is said the killers walk free,which indicates that they went through court proceedings but were never sentenced to any punishment.I'm not a smart person,I can't be a doctor and save others.I'm don't have the qualifications to be a police offer,I can't go after criminals.But what I can do is be the best damned lawyer and change things for messed up countries,such as ours,Malaysia.Police officers doing whatever they want,a bunch of power control freaks.And there is nobody to justify their absurb attitude as their superiors,the government body themselves are control freaks.So how would one ever hope to change this no-rights-existant country?Thankfully,due to the effects of United Nations,recently the worst Bill of Rights called 'ISA' has been put out of effect.In a way,this is torture.Government basically made a rule that allows anyone to be arrest if we even try to go against them.Democratic country?Yeah right.So yeah,we always have to worry about every little thing we say,our actions are restricted.You could called it mental torture.Still,Junko Furuta was one of the most toughest person to ever lived.In an honest opinion,I'd say some people really don't deserve to live,such as monsters like those 4 men.However,if I were given the authority,I'd never kill them.Who am I to judge one of my fellow species whether he lives or dies.Only something or someone higher has the right to do so.Also,there is no justification for murder.If somebody kills those 4 men,he or she is as bad as those criminals themselves.So,do you think the killers deserve to live?
Everything you do in life has several main factors to it's success.And everything needs to have a certain timing.From suicides to marriage proposals.Well,those suiciders who cares about timing are probably attention seekers.Moving on.Authorities normally inform at least a month or so beforehand when there's an upcoming exam.That's proper timing.So people will be like "Gasp,I have to start studying".And people are right.Although to me it seems like a month is more than enough time needed for preparation.So much time that it causes one to take it easy and slack for at least half of the time period given.And then after that for everyday I didn't do revision,I'll be like "I'll do it tomorrow,it's only a day wasted".Happens everytime it's two weeks away from the dateline.And I'll convince myself I've just wasted 'only a day' for 13 days.The last day is always reserved for 24hour non-stop revision.I made an oath for it not to happen this time as it will be the most important paper yet.And surprise!It happened again.Such a vicious habit,no wonder sloth is one of the famous seven deadly sins.
Here's what I think about exams before entering college.I'd say that they're not as important as the teachers or your parents make it sound like.It's either do or die.In which case I mean,either aim for straight A's and granted a scholarship or just put in sufficient effort to not fail any subjects(you need credits for college).People say it's important.Teachers say the result slip is important if you wanna be able to get a job in the future.Okay,I'm not gonna spout out assumptions.But here's a theory worth hearing.Let's say you wanna be an accountant.So it's obvious you have to work hard on your accounts and always put your best efforts into it.But for science,I don't think it's neccessary to aim so high unless,scholarship is your goal.I mean,do your think your future employer will not hire you because you didn't ace your science when you're an accountant?I think you have the answer to that.And after going through college,university and the diploma-degree-masters-phD phase,I doubt the SPM or PMR certificate is of any importance.Employers will obviously only look at your recent achievements in education right?However,your character and personality in High school will be observed everywhere you go,so,don't be an ass.This is just an individual's(me) opinion.It will never hurt to try your best everytime you sit for an examination.That's for the best for your future.
So this is me,just barely finished my studies due to my 'honourable' timing.Oh yeah,the final stage will always be like "Damnit I should've started studying earlier" or "How will I be able to finish this in one day?!".Don't get me wrong,I hate doing last minute work.Somehow I just always end up doing the same routine.12am of the day of my exam,I fell sick and still have a few chapters left to study.Major headache and neckache(symptoms of fever).Here's what I did.Ate panadol and prayed for recovery after I take a 2 hour nap and promised to wake up and continue with my studies.I couldn't sleep,and decided to study despite the extreme pain in the brain.Suddenly the pain vanished,like seriously.Maybe it's the work of panadol.Maybe it's God's work.It's like He's punishing my for always doing a last minute work and once I learned my lesson he made the fever symptoms go away.Maybe it's just a coincedence because panadols are very effective?Just wanna say Thank you that a mini-miracle happened.Timing's a bitch but You couldn't have chose an even proper timing.Amen.
Notice the word physical.Let's leave emotional pain for another time shall we?What makes people conclude that physical pain are inferior compared to emotional ones?Here's my guess.You can't scratch it.Or give it a gentle massage to temporarily ease the pain.Well,technically you can scratch it but that would mean ripping your chest open,so,yeah.I guess that theory itself is pretty similar to why chicken pocks is rated the worst itch-related infection.Not because it's incredibly itchy but because you can do nothing about it as scratching it would spread the pocks and might leave scars.Then you'd look like me,a dalmation.Okay enough about the comparisons.Let's talk about external and internal injuries.
External
Very visible as it could be either swollen or bleeding.Easily heals if left alone and treated properly.Pain is bareable as long as the wound isn't dug deeper.Downside is,it might leave a scar if it isn't left alone until it heals completely.
Internal
Only visible if it's swollen.Swells could be caused by injured bone or flesh(I was once pinched so hard that a part of my arm swell for two weeks).Doesn't heal if no treatment is done and might risk further injuries in the future when we're old.The pain is the type that is out-of-this-world.You know how when we over-laugh,no sound comes out?The kinda pain is the kind that is so-pain-you-can-hardly-breathe-therefore-not-making-a-sound.Worst I ever felt was the treatment given to a dislocated ankle.Of course fixing a broken bone would be much worst.
What's itching now is my entire spine.It's constantly pain and I can't do anything about it.I feel like removing that whole bone and brush it like how I brush my teeth.It's an undescribable feeling.No massage can ease the pain.Temporarily yes,permanently no.Doing things I enjoy doesn't exactly spell me a good time.Badminton? The endless jumps put an incredicle amount of pressure on it.Workout?Well,also puts a lot of strain on the spine.It is the main beam for a human's entire body structure,so yeah,can't avoid it being used a lot.I've always wanted to cure,well mostly because it really hurts like hell.Somehow it gets worst day by day.I wake up with a backache,sucks.I thought about it.And no matter how much I want to get myself fixed,it seems like it's always a second-placing desire.Meaning it's not what I want the most.Something in my mind is telling me that I can hold on.Maybe just a little longer until I get what I really want.What is it that I really want?I myself am not sure of it.But getting fixed is definitely second is line of my desire.Amen.
Last Saturday was just truly,inconvinient.However this Saturday is just unavoidable.Car not available and thus means I won't be able to use it.Hooray?Absence in what sense..hmm.I have a few topics in mind actually.Most of them are based on experience and my own opinion with,of course,the absence of emotions and based purely on logical reasoning.
Absence of parental guidance
Absence of knowledge
Absence of faith
Absence of heart
Okay.I'll acknowledge the fact that parents play a big role in their children's lives and will also be a big influence.Only seems fair to say that now as later on I'll definitely ramble on about the 'bad-side'.I personally think that to be only 20% true.I am the biggest proof there is.I wasn't raised to ask questions nor think for myself.But here I am,the outcast of the entire family(Just to clarify,I've been feeling this way ever since I was 7,not just recently).People say I was pampered or something.I have to say,my mom did a great job on her part.But to be honest,she did took care of me,but I literally have none of her qualities,or maybe I don't want them.People say a mother provides feministic personality while the father provides masculinity properties.Not true either.Just because they are your parents doesn't mean you have to grow up like them.Sure,phychologically everyone would think that way.So generally what I'm saying is,no matter who the parent is,I think you'll be who you're destined to be.People go on asking,'hey you wanna talk about it?' when I told them my parents are divorced.Sure,I could say I'm stressed and sad and all.But think about it.It's obvious the ones who hurt the most isn't me.I don't get emotional,don't share problems.It's because I've already consulted myself.And the best thing to do is to figure out what to do next.Instead of moaning and groaning about it.Why do people love to do that?I am most definitely not happy with my life but that does not give me the right to get moody about it in front of others.Which is one of the reason why I tend to avoid people who are moody.I'm already unhappy and yet I still have to tolerate other's public moodiness.Oh boy you sure haven't seen me angry yet huh?
Knowledge.One of the things in life you'd have to work for.Some have the heart,have the determination.Unfortunately,sometimes that's not enough.Knowledge is probably the only field where one is allowed to be greedy.As for medical related people,if you want to save people,it is definitely better to crave knowledge.'Respect yourself if you want other's to respect you' can also be altered into 'Save yourself,if you want to save other's'.No point jumping into the sea to save somebody when you don't know how to swim.Some call it kind or brave,well to me that's just plain selfish and stupid.You'd rather get rid of two lives than one.
Oh this one is definitely something everyone should have.What they shouldn't have is the absence of faith.Ever took a risk before?Or did something you were unsure of,but had hoped that it would go smoothly?That's faith.Believing in something based on nothing.Hey it's harder than it sounds.Even unpleasant things such as gambling.You'd bet your money hoping to win more money without a reasonable explaination how it would happen.So basically there is a sign,or at least an existance of faith.Well,me?I just,have faith that one day I will have faith.I just believe in it,no reason why.Because it isn't something you'd be able to see nor hear nor feel(literally) nor smell nor taste.What makes one believe in it is the spiritual feeling it gives.That's why people say we 'walk by faith not sight'.I don't really believe that now,but yeah I'm working on it!Absence of me in the church yet again this week,sigh.
By 'absence of heart' I did not mean,'what if a human body has no heart?'.I meant what would happen if there were no feelings.No needs.No wants.No desires.No likes nor dislikes.Well,it would mean you're alive and existing.But most definitely not living.Sure you're breathing and moving.But that would be nothing more than a robot that has an oxygen tank attached to it.Everyone has one,yes even criminals have hearts that most don't understand.Because we have hearts,we are capable of having dreams,as in what we want out of life.And we will have the strength to fight for it.Now isn't that romantic?Well,for now I do wish there was the absence of examination season.I want it to end so badly!Amen.
Well,something important but not necessary.Unless one aims for a certain goal which then makes schedule a necessity.Unfortunately,yours truly intends to aim high.Not the wisest choice as the moment of truth is just,less than 2 weeks away.But hey,better late than never right?At least my sleeping hours are not messed up anymore which make things heck a lot simplier.
Morning - Noon : For every hour,I'd greedily reward myself with a 20-minutes-long tv series,the rest I'd use it to do revision Noon - Evening : Same thing.At 5.30pm I'll start my daily exercise. Evening - Night : Revision starts at 8.00pm.Sleep early,latest by 1.30am.
Now if you'd take a look at that,not-well-thoughtout schedule of mine,you'd realise that even though I'll spend quite some time watching movies,the time spent for revision is not to be underestimated.Let's say that schedule is about 10 hours long,that would be 40 minutes for every hour an thus,resulting in 400 minutes which is about 6 hours and a half!Holy cow that's long. Considering I've only studied for about an hour today,and only covered one chapter,Judicial Precedent.Distractions everywhere eventhough I avoided using the computer.Maybe I should give myself more credit,I did stop going for late night drinks,and did not stop exercising since I've started.I actually like being,erm,warm?and loosen up and able to automatically wake up early.Well,the perks of being the Healthy-Me.Now I really need to learn to study,seriously.18 years without studying makes the task of studying NOT easy at all.Studying is the sugar-coated word for mental torture.True story.Without a schedule,24 hours can feel like 5 hours,or less.However,when I'm studying,an hour feels like,3 hours,at least.Maybe it's actually a good thing,more time to study.No loss for me.But I must refrain from using the computer,otherwise....well,you know how it always ends up.Tip for studying?Hmm,I've always been doing it for myself,and trust me,it doesn't work.Try doing it for something else,or someone else.Pride,envy,fear, revenge,love,hatred.Some of the emotional tools available to push yourself.Or you can always challenge a friend in getting a better grade.Just try your best,after studying properly.I probably have no right to preach about this topic.But then again,I have the most right to do so,as I speak from something called experience.Which follows by the feeling of regret.I don't regret about getting such bad grades from not putting in effort.I just regret the part about not putting in effort.In the end,the decision is still up to oneself.As long as it is your own decision.The bottomline is that,studying.....Sucks.Amen.
To be honest,I was gonna blog about something positive.Like happy stuff or things I like.Everytime that happens,something the exact opposite will come kicking in.Let's just say something unpleasent happened.Thus,attending church is definitely not an option.I took the time and peaceful thought about what happened.No matter how I try to understand,I really really can't give mercy to someone who doesn't deserve it.I not some guy who doesn't know how the world works and go on about doing good deeds as well as treating everybody good.All I ever wanted was to be normal.Not kind nor evil.Not good nor bad.Not happy nor sad.Not stressed nor carefree.Thankfully,I manage to take control on whether I should or shan't get stressed.I can go ahead and drown myself in a pit of negative emotions,and then take pity from my surroundings,but sorry,I really don't have the luxury to do so.Why publicly announce it,instead of finding a solution.I personally have just found mine,I always try my best to find every solution so that I don't have to be 'stressed'.You know how people say you shouldn't do something you wouldn't like others to do to you?I'd take that word to my grave.Meaning I do everything knowing the consequences.One of the reason why I don't..erm,emo.I really dislike it when some not-so-close person gets all emo-ish and I don't even know the reason why.It's a different story if it's someone I really don't mind helping.If being depressed or emo,gives anyone the right to receive pity and good treatment,then I'd do it all the time.It doesn't give anyone the right to do as they wish just because of a certain 'feeling'.Don't even bother apologising afterwards,if you knew what you were getting into and knew you'll regret,then why'd you do it.The victim here is not the emo ones,but the rest.Even in the heat of the moment,I will never use a hearted decision against a well-thought out decision.Why do I always have to be the one being the one who is silent.While others yell their lungs out right into my face.Is it really ever not possible for me to give my piece of mind?I thought it is possible to forgive,I guess not entirely.It really isn't possible to believe in God 100%,aside from the pastors of course.Somehow I don't think I can even ever achieve that.I can't push away my personal rights for what other's think it's right.I mean,if something so small can agitate me.If something bigger occurs,I most definitely won't be able to tolerate it.Who am I kidding.A dozen year of hatred can't be so easily tarnish.If it did,it can only mean that it was just some child's game.Logically,it should take the same amount of time for the hatred to disappear.I'm not stressed,and I never will be.I'm just confused,at a crossroads of the path of life.
Wondering which I should take.
Wondering if I was right all along.
Wondering if I was instead,wrong all along.
Either feel hurt and threaten for the rest of my life,
Before anything else,I'd like to pray for Senior Pastor Dr. Daniel Ho a wonderful and save trip to London and have an amazing time watching Manchester United vs Chelsea.No doubt he is by far the best pastor as well as the most entertaining.
As many have known,I quite recently took up faith.To be more specific,I'd say that I'm trying to find the reason to believe again.Unfortunately,I'm not really a believer yet,well I can always act like one,but hey,no point lying about it.After 4 weeks,that's more or less a month,that I've attended church,here am I,blogging what I know,what I believe and what I hope to have in the future.First of,this is by far,the least hated religion I know.So I'm feeling a little bit guilty as that is part of the reason I took up faith.I especially like the english environment!I've always been biased to english-educated ones,to what I believe,they're mostly the least barbaric and not so narrow-minded ones.The social treatment there,hmm,from what I know,about as friendly as any member from other religion I know.That little church 30 years ago which turned into one of the biggest and finest church ever is called DUMC or Dream Centre.
"DUMC stands for Don't Underestimate My Church"
-quoted by Pastor Chris Kam
pretty funny eh?
Nobody really knows this.But I consider myself one of the most pessimistic person ever.I always hoped for something brigther,something better but deep down I've always known that either the worse or the worst situation will always happen(only applies to minor things).Part of the reason why I'm not afraid of dying.Because if you're prepared for the worst,well then either the worst happens(which I'm already prepared for) or the worse happens(which is a credit for me because I expected the worst and got the second worst).The other reason is because,since a long time ago,I had this feeling in my gut,that told me I wouldn't die until I truely achieve what I want.It's a little similar to believing God will protect me.Maybe it's more like,I knew subconsciously that my story wouldn't end anytime soon.It's just a feeling though,no logical theory.It's odd,I always thought God wanted me to carry my anger around.Then 2011 something happened,a chain of event perhaps?Let me tell you the truth about me.Anyone new who tries entering my life,I'd immediately walk away.Anti-social or whatever you call it?I survived last year because I did exactly that.A carefree idiot without any worrys in the world.No connections,no problems.That is a fact.I've always wondered why people put themselves through that.This year I found out why.All because of that chain of events.I coincedently met that person.For the first time I didn't care about 'walking away'.I thought "heh,whatever".Months passed,I learned about Christ.Before that I was asked to try to forgive,fyi.Then I joined DUMC.Since then,the word 'forgive' hasn't been outta my sight.Everywhere I go I see 'forgive',I hear 'forgive'.I believe everything has a reason,and coincedence ain't the reason all these are happening.Maybe it's a sign.It has to be.You know how they say emotions can blind one's judgement?Anger is an emotion.I've been advicing and telling others about how they're blinded by their emotions when I should've told myself a long time ago.Maybe I should change a little.Or should I say,revert back?Yes,that was me,the smiley-kid-who-thinks-everything-will-be-okay-and-believes-in-happy-endings.That was me before I threw away my heart.I manage to avoid problems and things I dislike.But I forgot how to smile,to cry,to love.People gladly dive into 'problems' because,even if sometimes you get hurt,there will be happy times as well.People are sad because,their loved ones are dead.Or don't smile because the one they love loves someone else.Well,what do you feel if you've nothing to smile for,nothing to cry for,and nobody to love?Yeah,that's me,an empty shell,a ghost of a man.I ask Him everyday for the answer,but deep down I know,it's something everyone has to find out on their own.In a way that is called guidance.It'd be called spoon-fed if He just whispers to me the answers right away.
Currently the best song I heard from church
You know how amazing it is
The intensity of one's soul towards God
The sincerity of their faithfulness
When this song is played
All hands will rise and you can seriously
Feel the energy
"Why do these people have such faith"
I asked that everytime I'm there
If there's one thing I want
It'd be the naturallity of loving God
I'm trying my best to see
To open my ears and listen
To want to believe in Him
But I really don't know how
That's what you get if you're ignorant for such a long period
This is a gift given to me
I will spend every night praying
I want this cross to contain my soul
I care not about the cost
But the weight of the feelings
Instilled inside it
"One cannot do anything bigger than praying before prayer"
Is it an attempt to reach your ears using both the ends of your lips?
Or is it something you do
because others do it to you?
Well in my opinion
Both are equally correct and wrong at the same time
But like I said,every individual has their own mindset
Thus,resulting in their own reason of smilling
I've personally been at both ends at both different factors
The smilee and the smiler
Smilling and not smilling
Before that,read this little poem I composed
I was taught to smile
By my mother
But after a while
Smilling I did not bother
Smilling is believing
It make others like you
However it can also be deceiving
Like a lying person's smile you knew
I too was like that once
Always helping while smilling
Doing nothing but carrying tons
Then,people started bullying
They grab every opportunity
And of me they took advantage
Fortunately I wasn't silly
Settling it did I manage
I became meaner
And was very unfriendly
No,the grass didn't become greener
Yes,I might've been unhappy
It's like this.You either choose to help all the time,or not at all.Why?I used to help a lot(compared to now).Maybe it was in my nature do want to do it,who knows.And once I didn't help,people show gloomy faces.Saying I've no heart,I'm not useful and stuff.I really dont care if people appreciate or not,because I don't do things to pleasure the society.But save me the trouble and not lecture me just because I didn't help this one time.Let me explain to you my positive-negative theory.When you help,people like you more.Thus you get a positive 1 or +1.The bigger the favour,the more points earn.Say you save someone's life,you'd get a +10.But humans are judging creature.The moment you do one little tiny wrong thing,you're labelled as a evil.Let's say the same person who save someone,in the future,killed someone(accident or not it's up to you).So basically he earned a +10 and killed someone which gives him -10.Sum it up and you'd get a zero.What's zero?That's the neutral number.Meaning you'd be neither liked nor disliked.But why is it that,a doctor who saved so many people,gets crucified by the society just because he failed to save one person.Why do people hate superman for not saving their passed on loved ones when he has tried to save as many as he could?Why is it that we have to smile to be polite?Or act polite?You may not realise this,but that form of 'respect' could also fall under the category of lying.People judge me,unfortunately.Because I seldom smile.Smile gives you positive points,obviously.Thus,frowning earns you negative points.So why is it that by not smilling we still manage to earn negative points.It's true that now we have to fight only for ourselves.Kill or be killed.
A piece of advice.If you ever found others worth fighting for,never let them go.Maybe it's naive to think so,but hey,your flaws don't matter to someone important right?Nothing is ever 100%.Nothing is truely right and wrong.It's just...how much one is more than the other.Smilling is believing.Smiles give this unspeakable and unseenable light that we can feel.That's why we don't smile from our lips.We smile from our hearts.Feelings can only be felt not seen nor heard nor smelled nor touch.Based on the poem above,you may know that I once lost my smile.Maybe unintentionally I did smile,but intentionally,enough said.And now it's fixed,wait no.It's under construction.He made it possible by introducing her that introduced him.I will do everything within my power to preserve that smile except dying for it.Because death is never the solution.So which one are you?
a)The one who was taught to smile
b)The one who spreads the smile
c)The one who protects a smile
d)The one who smiles because of not wanting to worry others
To be specific,occasional gifts like during birthdays,farewells or even a congratulatory gifts.To men(typical),gifts are all about how much it costs.The more expensive and the better the quality,the more they like it or appreciate it.Hey,I said typical,you know,men who are jocks.The drink-beer-and-watches-sport-and-think-women-are-only-for-sex kind.To women(typical),gifts are all about effort and feelings instilled in the said gift.It's all about the 'awww' feeling.While others,anything cheaper than a diamond ring gets angrily thrown into the trash can.What is the perfect gift then?A house?A car?A rose?Perfect is a word that changes it's shape depending on every individual's perspective.Some say the perfect/real men are the ones who cry.Hate to burst your bubble but,there is no such thing as perfect.It's called 'my-kind-of-perfect-man'.Everyone has different opinions,no matter how twisted.But it doesn't mean one is false compare to another just because majority don't support said opinion.Back to where we were,in my opinion,my perfect kind of gift is a combination of what the receiver likes,what I like,and what I hope the receiver likes.If it's a gift that only the receiver likes eventhough you hated it,it's a bit one-sided don't you think so?Likewise for the other way around.
Speaking about gifts,I worked on one.At first it was a simple card,but my mind has a tendency to make things complicated.So the 'things-to-do' increased by at least two-fold.As I spend hours doing it,I'm gonna admit,it is freaking tiring seating for so long but that didn't bother me.God knows why.Thank God I decided not to do a last-minute-work as it will definitely be a failure.Then I finally finished,and prayed that the next day I will be able to sail smoothly.Wishing God answered my prayers,of course.How wrong I was!Things started to go south,I got a little worried.Because the receiver seemed reluctant to accept my gift.Oh here's a good quote,"Worrying is a sin because it shows the absence of faith in God".So I tried to clear my mind as I went out to the stationary shop.I asked Him to give me a sign,I will listen to it.I pleaded Him to let me be able to give my gift in time.Then as a walked pass this ordinary guy,he started playing his guitar.I smiled,and thought maybe that was the sign?As I reached home,the receiver seems to have accept the gift.God works in mysterious ways many people say,indeed he does.He didn't give me what I asked for,he gave me what I wanted.All it took was for me to be cornered and desperate and finally open my eyes and see as well as listen through my ears.I see many people being blinded by emotions.Sometimes even telling them they're blinded by emotions.Maybe I should've told myself all along.I will now give a 120% in my attempt to forgive.This is an oath.As I'm typing this,the day isn't over.But the 'receiver' will be reading this after 12am.Anyway...
Unlike it's other half weak,it's actually not weak at all.Unless it isn't used to do anything productive,then a week is as good as a blink of an eye.No,wait.It's faster than that,half a blink of an eye?Yes,that fast.Take a good look at the Raya week holiday given to us.Safe to assume that many of us did not savour it well,eh?And,every last day of the holiday which most of the time is a Sunday,everyone starts regretting because the holidays are over.Holidays only promotes laziness.But somehow,being lazy is everyone's unspoken dream.Well,we are humans afterall.Honestly,a week actually has plenty of time.24 hours a day multiply by 7 days a week,you'd get 168 hours a week!Alright,to be fair,we'll subtract a reasonable amount of time due to,well,sleep?8 hours a day,and you'd be awake for 112 hours in a week!That's almost 5 full days.Imagine the revision we could've done.Imagine the calories we could've burned.Imagine the muscles we could've built.Imagine the errands we could've accomplished.And even after all that,we'd still have plenty of time.There this something that causes all of us to have lack of time.Facebook.Or maybe just,computer.Either will do,they both have 8 alphabets anyway.And our failure in managing time is nothing but not having our own self-planned and approved schedule.Obviously we'd have to obey that schedule for it succeed.
In fact,I actually had to prepare myself for two major,stuff?As the dateline would be on Monday!I prepared myself mentally and was set on getting it done.Fortunately for me,one of the two was postponed which gives me more time and I can concentrate solely on the other one.Unfortunately,I'm the type of person who automatically feel relaxed when it isn't anywhere close to the dateline.Call it a lazy person's reflex?But this is important!I'd definitely won't forgive myself if it became a disaster.So this is me,announcing my decision and determination,to spend time consistently this week to get that errand accomplished,rather than spending the last day doing last-minute-work.I swear it on Your name.Oh,also,I wanna start being healthy and stop being unhealthy(sleeping late).
It's weird how people tend to prioritise 18th and 21st birthdays.Hey,just saying.Not like it bothers me at all.In fact I wouldn't mind.Yes,I had mine just 24 hours ago.Hmm,to be honest I don't know what happen exactly in the surprisers point of view,but I'll share mine anyway.First of,I heard that Claire and Cynthia wanted to have a surprise party for me,but was cancelled.And that was just,at most 2 days after the actual date of my birthday.So,logically I didn't believe that they'd give up.And then,Cynthia went on a family trip which made it only possible to be held after wednesday.Tuesday,Bernice asked me if I could fetch her home after church.So,I said yes,no problem.And then the next day she apologises to me because she accidentally blurted out the fact that I accepted Christ.Even then I never suspected anything.Honest.The next day,when Marcus logged into his facebook,I took a quick glance and somehow saw a chat which consists of "Jonathan Lau and 11 others".I actually saw the words "11 others" first.So,I thought,perhaps it's about Taekwondo related issues.At night,before I shut me eyes,I went into deep thought.Hmm,why would Jonathan be involved?Only possible answer,a surprise party.Why,you ask?Because never in history of the three August idiots,that I wouldn't be involve in something that there were both involved in.But I wasn't satisfied with just such a shallow conclusion.I dug deeper.Which made me recall the word "cake" that Marcus,Cynthia and Claire were whispering about.So now I got two evindence items.But I'm the kind of person who rather dies than to suffer in curiousity.Which made me question Bernice about the reason she told whoever it is about me going to church.She said I'll know about soon,because she doesn't have the courage to tell.I would've believed if I hadn't saw that facebook chat.So,I finally got three pieces of a puzzle.She wouldn't tell me why,because it would reveal the time of the party.And the only reason she told must've been because it is during church and she is the only one that knew I wouldn't be home.So that's three.Then I remembered my mother asking me how to spell elder sister,in Mandarin.Why makes me recall of the time Marcus told me about how he accidentally texted my mother and she played the "Jie Jie" joke on him.Which sums up to four.It's just a matter of placing the pieces of the puzzle together.Just because I act like an idiot doesn't mean I am one you know.It's funny how everyone keeps on asking me the same question : How did you know?Well all I did was point my finger towards my brain.I told my mother and brother as well.My mother reacted the same like others.My brother didn't even flinch.He said,"It's no surprise that you know there's a surprise".Perks of being my elder brother I guess?
Well,don't feel bad.At least I didn't know that it would be in my own house,right?Not until 10 seconds before I enter the house.Because I heard voices,and thought there were distant relatives or something.Which made me look at the shoes and slippers at the doorstep.And I saw a very,V-E-R-Y familiar white slipper.Then I could only chuckle and say three words,I KNEW IT.If there's one thing I can always trust on,it's my instinct!So then,"SURPRISE!".Set up some tables,chairs and barbeque equipment.Jokes here and there,laughter everywhere.Truth is,it's exactly the same as our usual outings.With the addition of better food.Everything else is exactly the same.So why bother with surprises?Maybe it's because it gives a good feeling that you have friends.We need not any good activities,excellent food nor fancy restaurants.We only need them to attend.Here's a rating for the surprise party,8/10.I personally think it's successful and organisers did well to keep the secret.But I'm better,*laughs.Damn it,it's hard to make a statement sound playful or in a jokingly manner without smileys.And my mother is as always,overfriendly.My brother was spot on when he said that she is probably feeling even happier than me after the party.Okay this is to that certain someone who always beats herself up : it's not your fault that you were being quiet because anyone would've been if they were in the exact same situation and it's defnitely not nobody's fault that I found out,I'm observant you know,*winks.Oh come to think of it,the fifth puzzle piece was that you said you were gonna attend a party which you wouldn't know anyone.If it was me,I wouldn't have gone.So,who's the real coward hmm?Hey,you were the key factor that lured me to the party.Birthday boy says it's fine,so it's all good!Just didn't felt good because the last party before PMR that you attended sucks for you.I'm really sorry.6 years ago,I wanted to go to SMK Damansara Jaya so badly because I'd know a lot of people there.Instead,I've been given SMK Taman Sea.And now after that highschool chapter of my life,I can finally see the result.Maybe I've always been destined to go Taman Sea afterall.Regrets?Nah.Thanks.It was fate that made me befriend you because,I was sitting next to you in 1 Lili.Oh wait,actually I do regret not more stupid stuff.What?I can still do it now?I'm too old for these stuff.Amen.(Pictures not available as it is not uploaded yet)
Doing it now as it will be delayed again and again due to my self-procrastination.Yeah,I hate it too.I became an official on Friday actually.But I always think of Monday as the first day of the week,so I made it official that as of now I'm gonna make a change(might be due to procrastination that I delayed it till Monday,who knows).Well,I'm born in the year 1993,and it's now 2011 which makes me 18 this year.Practically one-third of something I've been waiting for my entire life.The other two being my 30th year and the year I'm married.Most probably it's because I was promised that I could finally go out and venture on my own to get some exposure from anything I choose.And so I did.Well,let's face it,no matter how one likes to be alone,it's always best to have more factors in live.Though if you choose to not have any connections,this isn't a good idea.Anyway,I did accept another factor recently.Felt like such an outsider.All I gotta do now is to show my face more often.
Now that I'm official.I'd really like to make a change.Starting from resuming my workout.After that,re-adjusting my messed up schedule.Fyi,I sometimes sleep around 5am.Then,get some reading done and do some Math practices.Lastly,stay home.You'd be surprised how much I can save by not going out all the time.As long as the workout is on track,I doubt the rest will have any problem.Speaking of which,after 18 years of my life,I finally discovered something better than Grilled Lamb!
Here's the Grilled Lamb,looks tasty right?
But you know what's tastier?
This!
It's called Crispy Potato Skin
in short : Potato Skin
one of these cost 6 freaking bucks
exactly like McDonald's fillet-o-fish
except,I'd rate fillet-o-fish 4/10
and this 11/10
and it is fudging DELICIOUS
there,I refrained from using vulgar!
Miscellanous Gifts.
Brother's Gift(considered)
It's true what people say
Kids never lie
Hmm?What's that?Reason for a change?People often use the cliche' of a reason such as family,health,wealth or even luck.I thought about it thoroughly and the only conclusion I came upon was,myself.But that isn't 100% accurate,at least that's what I felt.It felt more like a combination of myself and something else.A man once said if you do everything for yourself for your entire life,that is the saddest life ever.But if you spend your entire life for others,I don't think that's the best teleology of life.That seems more like someone who is craving for acknowledgement.Everyone has different teleology.So mine is to do something for myself,and others as well in an equal manner.It's not selfish to hold on to your life.It's only selfish to let go of it.If,let's say,a doctor decided to save someone at the cost of his life.Yeah sure,on the outside it seems pretty noble.But think about it.If that doctor dies,he won't be able to save anyone anymore.If he survives,he might save several lives along the way through his career.You get it now don't you?I've live through reality,I know what it's like.Now it's time to observe morality.My teleology is neither of them.But the combination of the two.Till next time.
To be specific,party-till-very-late-at-night kinda parties.The one where it seems that there is no tomorrow.The one where everyone is loud and noisy and NOISY.The top two kinds are usually the one where there is tons of guests but most of them are not very close with the host.And the other consists of close friends and of course,it'll be a smaller group.All I can say is,too many guest in a party kinda sucks.We always have to follow the crowd.Not to mention if you're a guy almost reaching his 20s,you definitely have to choose between smoking or alcohol,or both.You know,so that it proofs you've the party spirit and all.Yeah,I know alcohol is bad,but I still picked it instead of smoking.Because of a certain s-o-m-e-o-n-e who,forbids it.Nah,just kidding.But I might as well start.Been inhaling a bit too much these days.Disadvantages of having many smoking friends.I guess you could say I'm a second hand smoker,he who doesn't smoke but still receives the side effect,sigh.Well,back to the alcohol part.Let me make it clear.No matter how many times I give alcohol a chance,no matter how many times I try it,it is and forever will taste like shit.No kidding.Here are the ingredients : water + shit.Mix those two together and ta da, you get beer!It seriously sucks,beer that is.It's not tasty.It's expensive.It's freaking unhealthy.Unfortunately,I prefer Chee Chong Fun over it.Yes,it's that bad.Let's hope I don't get rashes.Starting to get a little itchy here and there.By the way,it's not over.You'll have the urge to vomit if too much consumption of said beer.And,HEADACHE!Bloated stomach,vomit feeling and a headache.By the time I lie on my bed,no doubt the " ahhh " feeling wont be felt.Anyway,it's not a complaint,it's an opinion that parties are overrated.Eyes 80% closed already.Back hurts.Till next time.
It's raining.It's dark.It's gloomy.It's silent,aside from the roaring thunder and drops of rain.I'd say it's a good time to blog about said title : death.What is death?Sure,any monkey swinging from tree to tree can answer that straight out."Death is dying"?Or "Death is a situation where somebody just died"?No,no,that's just through the sight in our eyes.Death is,an end of a person's journey in which case is their life.To be specific,an end of a chapter,assuming the ending is unfair.Some die happily while others,have some unfinished business. Not to mention,his or her family didn't deserve that person's death.If the dying may be saved using necessary medical procedure,he will be saved if it's meant to be,if it's his destiny.Otherwise,different result, same reason.You know the believe(forgot it was based on which religion) that an individual will be reincarnated into a different body after his or her death until he or she finally deserves to go heaven and attain peace for all eternity.Yeah,so it basically means that our lives now are but a fraction of our entire journey.One life is equvalent to one chapter.Unless that is our final chapter before being transfer to heaven.So,if an individual unfortunately dies at a very young age,maybe it's because in that life it wouldn't work out at all.Or maybe he is in an absolutely wrong time and place.Well,it is not a fact,it's a possibility.
We are born,we go through life,we die.It's just a cycle of life.After death,that's what most call the afterlife. Here's a fact.Many believers in many different religions often focus on their afterlife.And in the process,only do good deeds,so that they may attain eternal peace in heaven.Sure,it is a good thing,I mean, who wouldn't like heaven right?.But what I find weird is the reason they do it.Through what I've experienced, there are only two possible reason for it.One,they never questioned or even ask "why" before doing something.Yes,that is obedience,but you may remove yourself in the category of humans as you are a robot.Questioning and disrespecting are two very,very different things.Yeah,I know how elderly ones tend to group those two together.The other reason is,because they focus so much on getting that "peace" that they only do good deeds.So when one asks,"why do you good deeds?".It's replied with "because I want to attain peace" or for others "because I don't want to get punished".Call me crazy,but hearing those two lines first hand isn't something that sounds right at all.On the outside,it seems as if that person is a saint.Dig deeper and you may notice that he is selfish.It's obvious that those lines aren't sincere as it doesn't come from the heart.
Here's what I personally think.I'd do whatever I want within my reach,as long as I don't cross over any line,and actually live my life,instead of doing something because you don't wanna get punished and concentrating on your "peace" during the afterlife.No doubt,you'd get a wonderland,you'll be happy,you'll be at peace,but truth is,you're not living anymore.In life,all we see is anger,hatred,envy,vengeance,suffering.But you know what,that's real.That's reality.In life you don't just hesitate from getting a divorce because it-is-bad-to-do-so.Or because it may get you punished.On the outside,people call you brave,tolerant or even strong.But that's just a mask hiding the cowardly,excuses-giving of a personality you have.All I'm saying is,life your live.That's my opinion on repaying God for the live He gave me.Instead of staying away from rain, sickness,disease or taking organ-damaging substances,I think we should all try everything once.Then it is entirely up to us to continue or not.Quick question,do you stay away from the rain because it harms your health which results in harming your life or do you embrace the rain,if you get sick,you recover and get stronger so that you may play in the rain?Prevention is better than cure?That only applies if one will die without any prevention.Otherwise,bull.
Deny what you wanna do
If you wanna deny God
Because He made you the way you are
He made you think how you think
By the way
I stil think I should try
If God made everything
He made me the way I am
Who knows?
Maybe it's a step I have to take
If not,it's not as if I can't take a step back
On an unrelated topic,Death also refers to The Death,the reaper of all reapers.Also the strongest horseman of the apocalypse.He rides on a grey,pale horse.With a scythe as a weapon,as he is a reaper.And obviously, control who dies at whatever time in whatever place.You may think of him as the executor,and God as the man-behind-the-curtain.Yeah,no doubt most people have it hard.Their loved one's lifes were unfairly taken away.While others have a peaceful death.Wanna thank someone,thank God.Wanna blame someone,blame God.He who creates,must learn to destroy.Just as He who is thanked,must be the one who is blamed. Unfortunately,that's just how most humans think.Well,majority who 'appreciate' God are often the hypocrites who bear hatred against Him when something bad(reality) happens to them.To me,well...I'd say it's just not meant to be.The sky is clear,as the rain has stopped.Till next time.
Let's move on to the third Horseman shall we?After that irrelevant entry of anger,I'd think it's appropriate to continue from where I left off. Anyway,pestilence means sickness.Think of it as any form be it infection, disease or allergy.He is the rider of the black horse,and obviously he is in charge of every sickness,or unwellness that affect humans.Yeah,as you can see,every Horseman's name is related to the end of mankind and death for every individual.In which case,death through massive sickness which proves to be very effective.I'm sure you heard about villages or sometimes even countries being wiped out as it has no cure to an unknown sickness. It's a miracle that mankind manage to adapt to said situation,if not,God knows what would've happened to us.Though in current era,it's a common thing that surgeries or medical related issues are often extremely expensive.And I'm positive that every elder has complained about it before,at least those elder I've known. Saying it isn't fair,it's too expensive,and shit.But this is life we're talking about.Truth is you can never repay somebody for saying your life when they have no responsibility to do so.Well,only one way,save his life in the future.So I would like to think that an expensive bill is actually enough to compensate a human's life.I would also like to think that,not all doctors care only about money,there are some out there who just wants to save life,and that is something that deserves respect.
Speaking about illness,my mother's genes was passed down to me,and she got it from her mother. Unfortunately,I've no idea whether my grandmother got it from her parents or not.Basically,she has this,erm,a weak backbone?Or should I say a strong one that turned weak.She used to be very strong during her youth, you know,carrying heavy stuffs,doing impossible errands,then recently all that just,went away.Maybe her case is a natural one,as she is old afterall. But after the same thing happened to my mother,I'm having second thoughts.She,also was strong during her youth,then during her 30s,her backbone started to fail her.I'm not gonna go in detail about it.And now,I'm barely 20 and I too have the same problem.You know how your feet hurt for standing for more than 5 hours?Yeah,my back will hurt so bad that it'll make the pain on the feet feel like a mosquito bite.Really hope this 'injury?' won't stop me from my destiny.Till next time.
Was originally planning to complete the 4 entries with Horsemen's name in it.But what the heck,might as well not let go of the inspiration I have.Yeah just as you read it,anger.I don't know why anger always seem to be labelled as red in terms of colour.Maybe it's because people turn red when they're angry.But to me,it's because I feel hot inside,like I'm on fire or at least ate something very spicy.Yeah believe me I've felt it.The worst part is,I didn't get to release that anger.Well what happens if one does this too often?Basically,it's like filling a balloon with water,the water used as a term for anger and the balloon is the term for the heart and mind.If it's filled halfway,and then some water is poured out,no doubt nothing would happen to the balloon. However,if water keep on gushing in,there'll be a certain limit until the balloon goes "pop" which in reality means one is excessively angry and will burst or explode eventually.And believe me,the magnitude,the intensity of that "release" will be as if a volcano has erupted.If one does explode frequently,it is most definitely of a low intensity but it does keep anger out of the body system.If you do hold it in,anger multiplies,sooner or later,every minor thing that happens will make you mad.
Then,sometimes that anger leads to violence.You know,punches and slaps.Okay,I won't state the obvious and say "it's not good to do that" or so.We always have two choices,one which uses the brain and the other uses the heart.And no doubt it is always a question or either freedom or peace?Or the ugly truth and the beautiful lie.Why should we just bottle up our anger,for the sake of the peace within the family?In which case,you're lying to everyone including yourself. Because you faked your true emotions which is anger. Especially if it's not worth holding it in.If we forever hold it in,it'll turn in a grudge.And truth is,we can't just 'forgive' out of thin air.It's just isn't fair ain't it?After doing your part in releasing all that anger,I'd think then it's appropriate to forgive,to have closure,and to move on from it.If not,where would all that anger go?It's just unlogical to hold it in for any sort of reason.And even if you do feel the urge to burst,and really,really cannot hold it in,just think of it as God's work.Just do whatever you feel like,as long as you had decided it crystal clear in your head.A second is all you need to confirm with yourself,well because you are talking to yourself.In fact,life isn't all about the right path,right deeds or even right decisions and right attitude.It's all about don'ts and wrongs.It is the human potential that enables us to strife and struggle towards our destiny.Of course, facing many problems and taking in consequences on the way.And like I've said,it isn't somebody's good quality that makes him or her somebody you'd wanna keep.It's knowing their flaws and still smilling whenever you think about it. Well,all I can say is,I've thought about it in every possible situation and every possible angle.And looks like I've found my answer.
There is a saying
Worrying is like a rocking chair
Gives you something to do
But it gets you nowhere
and
May driving on the wrong side of the road
Lead you to the right path
In which case,having an arguement
Or releasing that anger
Till next time.
A famine is a widespread scarcity of food that may apply to any faunal species. This phenomenon is usually accompanied or followed by regional malnutrition, starvation, epidemic, and increased mortality. Well, according to internet,that is the exact definition of famine,in it’s shortest definition of course.To be specific, famine does not only mean hunger for food.It’s hunger. Hunger for food,for love,for sex.Whatever it is that humans desire you name it.Basically,the biggest problem about that is starvation.Without a doubt that, starvation is one of the many ways to annihilated mankind, because, humans need food to survive.All these happen because of humans thoughtlessness to increase the nation’s population.They continuously give birth without a second thought on how they’re gonna get food supplies for the necessities of the children.In some country,women get rape publicly,some may even be a custom.All of the above leads the the rapid growth in population,and thus ends up with more mouth to feed and ultimately results in lack of food which in turn causes starvation.Worst case scenario, they turn into cannibals due to hunger and eat their own kind. Yeah,how wonderful.
Less men more share,more men less share.It’s just common sense.And I doubt they’d dare to not feed the children at all,that’s just plain murder.A perfect example would be Africa or india or many other countries. They suffer in poverty,hunger,thirst.For the children,it’s obviously they deserve better, deserve some kind of sympathy.But for those who constantly give birth,I’d choose not to care.It’s one thing if you’re born into a messed up situation,another to be the one who messes up the situation.You could say they dug their own grave.Imagine what would’ve happen if everyone on earth were to be so thoughtless.No doubt we’ll be decomposed fossil by now.Famine can also be referred to one of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.He is the rider of the black horse,who carries a pair of balances or weighing scales which indicates the way that bread would have been weighed during a famine. The indicated price of grain is about ten times normal, with an entire day's wages buying enough wheat for only one person, or enough of the less nutritious barley for three, so that workers would struggle to feed their families.Well,all I have to say is,before sympathizing,before donating,before doing anything.Make sure you are in a stable situation.
Ever realize the peace within the green jungle or forest?How animals are able to co-exist with one another through the food chain system.Yeah it is kinda sad for the weak ones,always being eaten or such,but hey,the planet’s filled with them.Why is it that animals,which are obviously more barbaric and violent don’t wage war whereas we,humans are constantly at war with one another,be it country against country or individual’s battle.Sure,animals have the strength,the weapon equipped to their body,the speed,the agility and the vitality. However,humans have something that animals can never hope to achieve,brain.It is true that humans are the strongest predator as well as the most dangerous.With the power of thinking,humans are able to satisfy their curiosity and need for power by creating weapons.Because of these weapons, it leads to greed.Everyone wants power,therefore the weapon creators build more and more of them.People say it provides protection, well,whatever that creates can destroy,thus,whatever that protects can harm as well.With the weapon in hand, humans aren’t afraid of anything,thus grow more evil, craving for absolute power and begin to conquer weaker people to prove their strength.Oddly enough,you don’t see animals doing that,you know, taking over a territory.Because animals are never dangerous,they only take and do what they need,what is necessary and not having ideals or desire.We humans do what we want,and take what we want,which in a way,is productive because it pushes mankind to surpass the limit and improving lifestyle in the process but is not necessary as we only need food,water and shelter to survive.
Well,it’s been said that,war is a possibility for a means to end mankind.That is why it’s been said that everytime countries clash and war happens,the rider of the red horse who represent one of the Horsemen, War and violence,is the cause of it.The colour red suggest that through war,rivers of blood is to be spilled. Otherwise,suggests the beginning of a civil war among humans.In my opinion,the Horsemen have a very slanted view of humanity and see themselves as just bringing out in humanity what is already there.Well,it is definitely not wrong to say such a thing to mankind,though I am one myself. Ever had the urge to hurt someone?Say,someone you dislike or despise,you’d wanna give them a punch right in their faces?Truth is,it is just in our nature that we’re animalistic.That is why we have our principles and thoughts to think whether something is right or wrong.
Not to mention
We’ve to accept that all of us are animals,abominations before doing what’s right
The feeling you get everytime you're upset,thinking that nothing else matters in the world,wanting it all to just end with the blink of an eye,wishing for the bad things to disappear into thin air and at the end of the tunnel you see a light.The 'light' in which I mentioned is a person.Someone who knows you,knows your pain, understand you pain,helps you to get over your agony,and for some cases,shares the same dream,the same goal.No doubt I have friends just like any other human being out there.But it might just be a face,you know? You know the saying,"Friends are the family you choose"?It is definitely going into my list of principles. What is so important about blood?It is a bond,such that is it so weak and frail that one is able to perceive and see it with one's own eyes.Concern and care on the other hand,is what it is really all about, something that cannot be seen,only felt through sincerity.I once made the mistake of thinking (A) was perfect, was what i always wanted to be,and was my mentor,my guider.And (B) was nothing but a annoyance in my life,and he was the inheritor of an unfortunate gene,at least he thinks so?But now,I honestly don't know what happen to both of them.It's almost like they've switched places,or maybe I've changed.
(A) is self-righteous,prideful,never admitting to the truth,(B) is selfish,truthful,vulgarish.But you know what?At least (B) was always honest,ALWAYS.He's been through almost everything I have,he sees the the world as I do,he understand what is a family,what it takes to have one.We always questions ourselves,why are we here? Are we the wrong ones because we're different?If we are,they we'll leave,but why are we getting shackled? Why are we suppose to do what we should do,what does that mean anyway?You wanna know the truth in life,we are not suppose to do anything.We do want we want to do,not suppose to do.Do you,love someone because you-are-suppose-to?I don't know about that,but to me that is definitely not love.All I'm saying is,I'm really glad someone still sees the world the way I do.You know how it sucks to be alone,nobody knowing or even understanding what the hell are you thinking about.Maybe this is what you'd called a family. He doesn't care about respect or whatever shit,so basically he's more like a friend,and I respect that,I really do.I definitely want him to still exist in the future,definitely.Of course there are others,but one person per entry.And I'm glad.Till next time.
You know the saying,"ignorance is bliss"?Whoever made it is a genius but clearly has a lot on his plate if you know what I mean.Think of it this way,instead of thinking that it is disrespectful,think of it as an escape route for the one you're ignoring.I used to be able to ignore almost anything annoying people throw at me,but now, sigh.I guess it's true that nothing lasts forever huh?Imagine you're a game character.If somebody attacks you,you retaliate,correct?So basically it's a reponsive situation.But what if you dont respond,you keep getting damaged yourself with putting up a fight?I doubt anyone has such tolerance nor ignorance to keep it up for a long time.
And the thing is,why should we do so?To maintain the 'peace'?If so,why should we be the ones pretending everything is okay?While the other person do as they like however they like.Isn't this such a dishonest and unhealthy relationship?Trying to be someone else's idea of perfect is definitely not something you'd wanna keep in your life.And truth is,by ignoring we're actually giving mercy.Because if you didn't,I'd bet you'd feel unpleasent,and have the urge to shove anger into the person's face.However,as of now,I'm trying my best to tolerate,to ignore because I...we all have our promises right?Unfortunately,if my wall of ignorance is constantly being scratched,I've a feeling something bad is gonna happen.
Till next time.
Let's face it.Most decisions we make that are against our will are often the ones that we don't keep.Say,you decided to change your lifestyle as it is to unhealthy?Or,stop slacking around with a bag of potato chips and start doing something productive.Unless there is an actual goal,or a influential motivation,people tend to just let it slide,you know,because it is not such a big deal.But it hit me,that if we can't even adapt to these little changes that we ourselves decided for the sake of ourselves,it's obvious we definitely won't be able to take in a huge decision,right?And if we're not able to keep that promise,that decision we've made,why bother publicly announcing it?Don't say "it's just something I said",if that's the case,although you never lied to anyone,you've been actually lying to yourself the entire time.
Since I was extremely young,I made a decision myself.What's odd is that,it wasn't just an immature decision, I'm actually still holding on to it.In fact,that decision grew,more hatred,more eager.Truth is,I thought it was just a temper tantrum that I released.It was actually far more than that.Maybe it's,because people never really do change.If you ever did see someone who's completely changed,maybe it's because you been confused with 'change' and their 'true self'.In my opinion,there is always someone out there in life,who you'll keep forever because that person is the one who has brought out the 'real you' or has unlock the lock within you. Sometimes,because of the decisions we make,we end up doing the wrong things.But,what is the true meaning of wrong?Doing something immoral?Or doing something against your will,something the exact opposite of what you truely want to do and lying to yourself in the process.There has always been a question in life that everyone has to answer themselves.Peace or freedom?But more on that some other time.
I have made a decision to do better in life.But,to do that,I really need to toss away a part of myself.Actually it isn't really a 'part' of me,more like something that has been forced on to me.I honestly never once picked this for myself.And if I keep caring about people's sake,people who I,sincerely have no problem with not caring about them at all,I will be sacrificing my own happiness.Why do I need to pity a person who,is very upset with life,because of the choices made BY that person itself.If anything,I shouldn't be to one doing the comforting,I should be the one being comforted.I'm honestly doing my best,trying ever way to make this, 'situation' better.But if this goes on,maybe I am destined to listen to my own decision afterall.For your sake, let's hope it doesn't happen.Seriously.
Choosing a career
Getting married
Starting a family
you did all this while you had your head up your ass
you did all this without making a decision
you did all this with pride and lust
you did all this thinking it's just a game
and you never once apologised
Those are several decisions in life
But the big decisions are the only ones that you have to make
It definitely will be the toughest
Because nobody can help you
After all long soul searching
I myself decided to take a big step
I've decided to .. on the ..
Till next time.
For years,we all struggle in search of happiness,we yearn for the justice we want to be delivered. However, does absolute justice or true happiness really exists?Lets say,recently the police department manage to arrest a famous serial killer.Then,the court decided to take the word of a prosecutor and sentence that criminal to a death sentence.Yes,we can all tell ourselves that this is the greater good,that those who are evil should be punished.But really,that action alone is no different from plain murder.Maybe a little different,as the 'good guys' can kill officially as they have to the license to.On and on,I keep hearing people say that God loves us all.Then,isn't that death sentence defying God Himself in a way?Everybody tend to focus more on the fact that the killer only kill others when the truth is,his parents were killed when he was younger,and the police concluded it as an 'accident'.Is it really his fault to want revenge?It is really that easy to forgive people?It's obviously killing others is wrong.But why do people not emphatise with the killer's situation?All he wanted was justice served to his parent's murderer.Sure,we can all 'persuade' him to forgive and forget,but the truth is,none of us has the right to,because we will never know his pain,his devastation.People are so self-righteous. There is no such thing as true justice.I'm not being mean,just realistic.The word 'justice' changes it's shape depending on where you stand.So really,there is no good or bad,just,majority and minority.
True happiness.Not only does it mean happiness for,say,a couple?a family?Or even friendship.It means happiness for everything around them,the entire society,the entire environment.How certain are you that by being happy,you can guarantee 100% that you won't cause any birth of negative emotions aiming towards you.Lets say,you won a racing competition.Yeah,you're crying tears of joy,you're so happy.But to the ones who lost,you don't see them jumping around for joy.And you can't just say "It's their problem".Because they are really feeling upset at the moment.Okay,another example.You have an enjoyable life.You found your soulmate,you got married,you sincerely love your family,and your family feels the same way.Lets just say you're having the time of your life.And then,somebody less fortunate,say,a beggar.He notices how happy you are,how lucky you are.It's obvious he gets jealous,he gets upset because of the intensity of unfairness.And that jealousy,in time,bares hatred.So it's like this,love bares happiness,happiness bares jealousy,jealousy bares hate.Yeah,it is a vicious chain of reaction.And it's pretty obvious how humans are easily damages and how flawed they are.And sometimes,you see a bunch of gangsters.Thinking,how unfortunate they are,to live in such a way.True happiness,or the feeling 'happy' is when you yourself feel happy or at least think you're happy.If you sacrifice your happiness for the sake of other's happiness,that is most definitely not true happiness.So if a person tried to please everybody for their entire life,i wouldn't call it kind nor honourable.Maybe I have a twisted sense of logic but I think that's arrogance.The truth is,even God cannot satisfy every human.Some hate Him because God cannot grants everybody's wishes.And if God can't,and that 'kind' person thinks he can, don't you think,he thinks he can do better than God?Well,it's just a theory anyway.Me?Well I have no care for others at all.Call me evil,call me mean.But to my loved ones,I'll do my best to be somebody they'll lean. Everyone has their own journey,nobody'll be able to achieve 0 enemies in their life.Just do whatever it takes to achieve your own happiness.Nobody will give it to you.YOU have to Take It.So really,it's how you tend to look at things that define your judgement.Everything is not how it is,it is how you believe it is.
Sorry for the LONG wait.You know who you are.Till next time.
