Confused

To be honest,I was gonna blog about something positive.Like happy stuff or things I like.Everytime that happens,something the exact opposite will come kicking in.Let's just say something unpleasent happened.Thus,attending church is definitely not an option.I took the time and peaceful thought about what happened.No matter how I try to understand,I really really can't give mercy to someone who doesn't deserve it.I not some guy who doesn't know how the world works and go on about doing good deeds as well as treating everybody good.All I ever wanted was to be normal.Not kind nor evil.Not good nor bad.Not happy nor sad.Not stressed nor carefree.Thankfully,I manage to take control on whether I should or shan't get stressed.I can go ahead and drown myself in a pit of negative emotions,and then take pity from my surroundings,but sorry,I really don't have the luxury to do so.Why publicly announce it,instead of finding a solution.I personally have just found mine,I always try my best to find every solution so that I don't have to be 'stressed'.You know how people say you shouldn't do something you wouldn't like others to do to you?I'd take that word to my grave.Meaning I do everything knowing the consequences.One of the reason why I don't..erm,emo.I really dislike it when some not-so-close person gets all emo-ish and I don't even know the reason why.It's a different story if it's someone I really don't mind helping.If being depressed or emo,gives anyone the right to receive pity and good treatment,then I'd do it all the time.It doesn't give anyone the right to do as they wish just because of a certain 'feeling'.Don't even bother apologising afterwards,if you knew what you were getting into and knew you'll regret,then why'd you do it.The victim here is not the emo ones,but the rest.Even in the heat of the moment,I will never use a hearted decision against a well-thought out decision.Why do I always have to be the one being the one who is silent.While others yell their lungs out right into my face.Is it really ever not possible for me to give my piece of mind?I thought it is possible to forgive,I guess not entirely.It really isn't possible to believe in God 100%,aside from the pastors of course.Somehow I don't think I can even ever achieve that.I can't push away my personal rights for what other's think it's right.I mean,if something so small can agitate me.If something bigger occurs,I most definitely won't be able to tolerate it.Who am I kidding.A dozen year of hatred can't be so easily tarnish.If it did,it can only mean that it was just some child's game.Logically,it should take the same amount of time for the hatred to disappear.I'm not stressed,and I never will be.I'm just confused,at a crossroads of the path of life.

Wondering which I should take.

Wondering if I was right all along.

Wondering if I was instead,wrong all along.

Either feel hurt and threaten for the rest of my life,

and pretend everything is okay.

Or find somewhere I really fit in,

the two may be of the same.

But as of now,it definitely ain't.

There is no medicine for heartache

Just a wall that can withstand it

Well,I am a little glad 

Got to neutralise my sleeping time

And got used to workout

At least those that I can work on

Is not being a b*tch.

Amen.

Wondering how're you doing

oops !@#$%^&*

Amen.