Schedule

Well,something important but not necessary.Unless one aims for a certain goal which then makes schedule a necessity.Unfortunately,yours truly intends to aim high.Not the wisest choice as the moment of truth is just,less than 2 weeks away.But hey,better late than never right?At least my sleeping hours are not messed up anymore which make things heck a lot simplier.

Morning - Noon : For every hour,I'd greedily reward myself with a 20-minutes-long tv series,the rest I'd use it to do revision
Noon - Evening : Same thing.At 5.30pm I'll start my daily exercise.
Evening - Night : Revision starts at 8.00pm.Sleep early,latest by 1.30am.

Now if you'd take a look at that,not-well-thoughtout schedule of mine,you'd realise that even though I'll spend quite some time watching movies,the time spent for revision is not to be underestimated.Let's say that schedule is about 10 hours long,that would be 40 minutes for every hour an thus,resulting in 400 minutes which is about 6 hours and a half!Holy cow that's long. Considering I've only studied for about an hour today,and only covered one chapter,Judicial Precedent.Distractions everywhere eventhough I avoided using the computer.Maybe I should give myself more credit,I did stop going for late night drinks,and did not stop exercising since I've started.I actually like being,erm,warm?and loosen up and able to automatically wake up early.Well,the perks of being the Healthy-Me.Now I really need to learn to study,seriously.18 years without studying makes the task of studying NOT easy at all.Studying is the sugar-coated word for mental torture.True story.Without a schedule,24 hours can feel like 5 hours,or less.However,when I'm studying,an hour feels like,3 hours,at least.Maybe it's actually a good thing,more time to study.No loss for me.But I must refrain from using the computer,otherwise....well,you know how it always ends up.Tip for studying?Hmm,I've always been doing it for myself,and trust me,it doesn't work.Try doing it for something else,or someone else.Pride,envy,fear, revenge,love,hatred.Some of the emotional tools available to push yourself.Or you can always challenge a friend in getting a better grade.Just try your best,after studying properly.I probably have no right to preach about this topic.But then again,I have the most right to do so,as I speak from something called experience.Which follows by the feeling of regret.I don't regret about getting such bad grades from not putting in effort.I just regret the part about not putting in effort.In the end,the decision is still up to oneself.As long as it is your own decision.The bottomline is that,studying.....Sucks.Amen.

Confused

To be honest,I was gonna blog about something positive.Like happy stuff or things I like.Everytime that happens,something the exact opposite will come kicking in.Let's just say something unpleasent happened.Thus,attending church is definitely not an option.I took the time and peaceful thought about what happened.No matter how I try to understand,I really really can't give mercy to someone who doesn't deserve it.I not some guy who doesn't know how the world works and go on about doing good deeds as well as treating everybody good.All I ever wanted was to be normal.Not kind nor evil.Not good nor bad.Not happy nor sad.Not stressed nor carefree.Thankfully,I manage to take control on whether I should or shan't get stressed.I can go ahead and drown myself in a pit of negative emotions,and then take pity from my surroundings,but sorry,I really don't have the luxury to do so.Why publicly announce it,instead of finding a solution.I personally have just found mine,I always try my best to find every solution so that I don't have to be 'stressed'.You know how people say you shouldn't do something you wouldn't like others to do to you?I'd take that word to my grave.Meaning I do everything knowing the consequences.One of the reason why I don't..erm,emo.I really dislike it when some not-so-close person gets all emo-ish and I don't even know the reason why.It's a different story if it's someone I really don't mind helping.If being depressed or emo,gives anyone the right to receive pity and good treatment,then I'd do it all the time.It doesn't give anyone the right to do as they wish just because of a certain 'feeling'.Don't even bother apologising afterwards,if you knew what you were getting into and knew you'll regret,then why'd you do it.The victim here is not the emo ones,but the rest.Even in the heat of the moment,I will never use a hearted decision against a well-thought out decision.Why do I always have to be the one being the one who is silent.While others yell their lungs out right into my face.Is it really ever not possible for me to give my piece of mind?I thought it is possible to forgive,I guess not entirely.It really isn't possible to believe in God 100%,aside from the pastors of course.Somehow I don't think I can even ever achieve that.I can't push away my personal rights for what other's think it's right.I mean,if something so small can agitate me.If something bigger occurs,I most definitely won't be able to tolerate it.Who am I kidding.A dozen year of hatred can't be so easily tarnish.If it did,it can only mean that it was just some child's game.Logically,it should take the same amount of time for the hatred to disappear.I'm not stressed,and I never will be.I'm just confused,at a crossroads of the path of life.

Wondering which I should take.

Wondering if I was right all along.

Wondering if I was instead,wrong all along.

Either feel hurt and threaten for the rest of my life,

and pretend everything is okay.

Or find somewhere I really fit in,

the two may be of the same.

But as of now,it definitely ain't.

There is no medicine for heartache

Just a wall that can withstand it

Well,I am a little glad 

Got to neutralise my sleeping time

And got used to workout

At least those that I can work on

Is not being a b*tch.

Amen.

Wondering how're you doing

oops !@#$%^&*

Amen.

Christianity

Before anything else,I'd like to pray for Senior Pastor Dr. Daniel Ho a wonderful and save trip to London and have an amazing time watching Manchester United vs Chelsea.No doubt he is by far the best pastor as well as the most entertaining.

As many have known,I quite recently took up faith.To be more specific,I'd say that I'm trying to find the reason to believe again.Unfortunately,I'm not really a believer yet,well I can always act like one,but hey,no point lying about it.After 4 weeks,that's more or less a month,that I've attended church,here am I,blogging what I know,what I believe and what I hope to have in the future.First of,this is by far,the least hated religion I know.So I'm feeling a little bit guilty as that is part of the reason I took up faith.I especially like the english environment!I've always been biased to english-educated ones,to what I believe,they're mostly the least barbaric and not so narrow-minded ones.The social treatment there,hmm,from what I know,about as friendly as any member from other religion I know.That little church 30 years ago which turned into one of the biggest and finest church ever is called DUMC or Dream Centre.

"DUMC stands for Don't Underestimate My Church"
-quoted by Pastor Chris Kam
pretty funny eh?

Nobody really knows this.But I consider myself one of the most pessimistic person ever.I always hoped for something brigther,something better but deep down I've always known that either the worse or the worst situation will always happen(only applies to minor things).Part of the reason why I'm not afraid of dying.Because if you're prepared for the worst,well then either the worst happens(which I'm already prepared for) or the worse happens(which is a credit for me because I expected the worst and got the second worst).The other reason is because,since a long time ago,I had this feeling in my gut,that told me I wouldn't die until I truely achieve what I want.It's a little similar to believing God will protect me.Maybe it's more like,I knew subconsciously that my story wouldn't end anytime soon.It's just a feeling though,no logical theory.It's odd,I always thought God wanted me to carry my anger around.Then 2011 something happened,a chain of event perhaps?Let me tell you the truth about me.Anyone new who tries entering my life,I'd immediately walk away.Anti-social or whatever you call it?I survived last year because I did exactly that.A carefree idiot without any worrys in the world.No connections,no problems.That is a fact.I've always wondered why people put themselves through that.This year I found out why.All because of that chain of events.I coincedently met that person.For the first time I didn't care about 'walking away'.I thought "heh,whatever".Months passed,I learned about Christ.Before that I was asked to try to forgive,fyi.Then I joined DUMC.Since then,the word 'forgive' hasn't been outta my sight.Everywhere I go I see 'forgive',I hear 'forgive'.I believe everything has a reason,and coincedence ain't the reason all these are happening.Maybe it's a sign.It has to be.You know how they say emotions can blind one's judgement?Anger is an emotion.I've been advicing and telling others about how they're blinded by their emotions when I should've told myself a long time ago.Maybe I should change a little.Or should I say,revert back?Yes,that was me,the smiley-kid-who-thinks-everything-will-be-okay-and-believes-in-happy-endings.That was me before I threw away my heart.I manage to avoid problems and things I dislike.But I forgot how to smile,to cry,to love.People gladly dive into 'problems' because,even if sometimes you get hurt,there will be happy times as well.People are sad because,their loved ones are dead.Or don't smile because the one they love loves someone else.Well,what do you feel if you've nothing to smile for,nothing to cry for,and nobody to love?Yeah,that's me,an empty shell,a ghost of a man.I ask Him everyday for the answer,but deep down I know,it's something everyone has to find out on their own.In a way that is called guidance.It'd be called spoon-fed if He just whispers to me the answers right away.

Currently the best song I heard from church

You know how amazing it is

The intensity of one's soul towards God

The sincerity of their faithfulness

When this song is played 

All hands will rise and you can seriously

Feel the energy

"Why do these people have such faith"

I asked that everytime I'm there

If there's one thing I want

It'd be the naturallity of loving God

I'm trying my best to see

To open my ears and listen

To want to believe in Him

But I really don't know how

That's what you get if you're ignorant for such a long period

This is a gift given to me

I will spend every night praying

I want this cross to contain my soul

I care not about the cost

But the weight of the feelings 

Instilled inside it

"One cannot do anything bigger than praying before prayer"

I can full-heartedly accept this

Because prayer is definitely the earliest stage

Of effort

If we can't even do that

Why bother with something bigger?

I know that You are for me

I know that You are for me

I know that You will never forsake me

In my weaknesses

(Just some lines I like very much)

Like I said,he made me met her to meet him

Somehow makes sense to me

Amen.

Smile

What is a smile?

Is it an attempt to reach your ears using both the ends of your lips?

Or is it something you do

because others do it to you?

Well in my opinion

Both are equally correct and wrong at the same time

But like I said,every individual has their own mindset

Thus,resulting in their own reason of smilling

I've personally been at both ends at both different factors

The smilee and the smiler

Smilling and not smilling

Before that,read this little poem I composed

I was taught to smile

By my mother

But after a while

Smilling I did not bother

          Smilling is believing

          It make others like you

          However it can also be deceiving

          Like a lying person's smile you knew

                    I too was like that once

                    Always helping while smilling

                    Doing nothing but carrying tons

                    Then,people started bullying

                              They grab every opportunity

                              And of me they took advantage

                              Fortunately I wasn't silly

                              Settling it did I manage

                                        I became meaner

                                        And was very unfriendly

                                        No,the grass didn't become greener

                                        Yes,I might've been unhappy

It's like this.You either choose to help all the time,or not at all.Why?I used to help a lot(compared to now).Maybe it was in my nature do want to do it,who knows.And once I didn't help,people show gloomy faces.Saying I've no heart,I'm not useful and stuff.I really dont care if people appreciate or not,because I don't do things to pleasure the society.But save me the trouble and not lecture me just because I didn't help this one time.Let me explain to you my positive-negative theory.When you help,people like you more.Thus you get a positive 1 or +1.The bigger the favour,the more points earn.Say you save someone's life,you'd get a +10.But humans are judging creature.The moment you do one little tiny wrong thing,you're labelled as a evil.Let's say the same person who save someone,in the future,killed someone(accident or not it's up to you).So basically he earned a +10 and killed someone which gives him -10.Sum it up and you'd get a zero.What's zero?That's the neutral number.Meaning you'd be neither liked nor disliked.But why is it that,a doctor who saved so many people,gets crucified by the society just because he failed to save one person.Why do people hate superman for not saving their passed on loved ones when he has tried to save as many as he could?Why is it that we have to smile to be polite?Or act polite?You may not realise this,but that form of 'respect' could also fall under the category of lying.People judge me,unfortunately.Because I seldom smile.Smile gives you positive points,obviously.Thus,frowning earns you negative points.So why is it that by not smilling we still manage to earn negative points.It's true that now we have to fight only for ourselves.Kill or be killed.

A piece of advice.If you ever found others worth fighting for,never let them go.Maybe it's naive to think so,but hey,your flaws don't matter to someone important right?Nothing is ever 100%.Nothing is truely right and wrong.It's just...how much one is more than the other.Smilling is believing.Smiles give this unspeakable and unseenable light that we can feel.That's why we don't smile from our lips.We smile from our hearts.Feelings can only be felt not seen nor heard nor smelled nor touch.Based on the poem above,you may know that I once lost my smile.Maybe unintentionally I did smile,but intentionally,enough said.And now it's fixed,wait no.It's under construction.He made it possible by introducing her that introduced him.I will do everything within my power to preserve that smile except dying for it.Because death is never the solution.So which one are you?

a)The one who was taught to smile

b)The one who spreads the smile

c)The one who protects a smile

d)The one who smiles because of not wanting to worry others

Never stop smilling

If you're a homosexual and attracted to me

Please stop smilling

Just kidding

Please stop smilling at me!
Amen?

Amen.

Gifts

To be specific,occasional gifts like during birthdays,farewells or even a congratulatory gifts.To men(typical),gifts are all about how much it costs.The more expensive and the better the quality,the more they like it or appreciate it.Hey,I said typical,you know,men who are jocks.The drink-beer-and-watches-sport-and-think-women-are-only-for-sex kind.To women(typical),gifts are all about effort and feelings instilled in the said gift.It's all about the 'awww' feeling.While others,anything cheaper than a diamond ring gets angrily thrown into the trash can.What is the perfect gift then?A house?A car?A rose?Perfect is a word that changes it's shape depending on every individual's perspective.Some say the perfect/real men are the ones who cry.Hate to burst your bubble but,there is no such thing as perfect.It's called 'my-kind-of-perfect-man'.Everyone has different opinions,no matter how twisted.But it doesn't mean one is false compare to another just because majority don't support said opinion.Back to where we were,in my opinion,my perfect kind of gift is a combination of what the receiver likes,what I like,and what I hope the receiver likes.If it's a gift that only the receiver likes eventhough you hated it,it's a bit one-sided don't you think so?Likewise for the other way around.

Speaking about gifts,I worked on one.At first it was a simple card,but my mind has a tendency to make things complicated.So the 'things-to-do' increased by at least two-fold.As I spend hours doing it,I'm gonna admit,it is freaking tiring seating for so long but that didn't bother me.God knows why.Thank God I decided not to do a last-minute-work as it will definitely be a failure.Then I finally finished,and prayed that the next day I will be able to sail smoothly.Wishing God answered my prayers,of course.How wrong I was!Things started to go south,I got a little worried.Because the receiver seemed reluctant to accept my gift.Oh here's a good quote,"Worrying is a sin because it shows the absence of faith in God".So I tried to clear my mind as I went out to the stationary shop.I asked Him to give me a sign,I will listen to it.I pleaded Him to let me be able to give my gift in time.Then as a walked pass this ordinary guy,he started playing his guitar.I smiled,and thought maybe that was the sign?As I reached home,the receiver seems to have accept the gift.God works in mysterious ways many people say,indeed he does.He didn't give me what I asked for,he gave me what I wanted.All it took was for me to be cornered and desperate and finally open my eyes and see as well as listen through my ears.I see many people being blinded by emotions.Sometimes even telling them they're blinded by emotions.Maybe I should've told myself all along.I will now give a 120% in my attempt to forgive.This is an oath.As I'm typing this,the day isn't over.But the 'receiver' will be reading this after 12am.Anyway...

Happy Birthday

Bernice Chee Wai Yee

it's been 6 or 7 months 

knowing each other

but I'm looking forward to 10 years later

you have a lot of promises to be done then

Amen.

One Week

Unlike it's other half weak,it's actually not weak at all.Unless it isn't used to do anything productive,then a week is as good as a blink of an eye.No,wait.It's faster than that,half a blink of an eye?Yes,that fast.Take a good look at the Raya week holiday given to us.Safe to assume that many of us did not savour it well,eh?And,every last day of the holiday which most of the time is a Sunday,everyone starts regretting because the holidays are over.Holidays only promotes laziness.But somehow,being lazy is everyone's unspoken dream.Well,we are humans afterall.Honestly,a week actually has plenty of time.24 hours a day multiply by 7 days a week,you'd get 168 hours a week!Alright,to be fair,we'll subtract a reasonable amount of time due to,well,sleep?8 hours a day,and you'd be awake for 112 hours in a week!That's almost 5 full days.Imagine the revision we could've done.Imagine the calories we could've burned.Imagine the muscles we could've built.Imagine the errands we could've accomplished.And even after all that,we'd still have plenty of time.There this something that causes all of us to have lack of time.Facebook.Or maybe just,computer.Either will do,they both have 8 alphabets anyway.And our failure in managing time is nothing but not having our own self-planned and approved schedule.Obviously we'd have to obey that schedule for it succeed.

In fact,I actually had to prepare myself for two major,stuff?As the dateline would be on Monday!I prepared myself mentally and was set on getting it done.Fortunately for me,one of the two was postponed which gives me more time and I can concentrate solely on the other one.Unfortunately,I'm the type of person who automatically feel relaxed when it isn't anywhere close to the dateline.Call it a lazy person's reflex?But this is important!I'd definitely won't forgive myself if it became a disaster.So this is me,announcing my decision and determination,to spend time consistently this week to get that errand accomplished,rather than spending the last day doing last-minute-work.I swear it on Your name.Oh,also,I wanna start being healthy and stop being unhealthy(sleeping late).

"The will to succeed can overcome

even the greatest adversity"

Not the reason I used this picture actually

It's just that there's penguins

*laughs

 His diarrhea is the metaphorical term

for my laziness

Stuff to do 

1. Jog
2. Workout
3. Practice
4. Read
5. Decide
6. Sketch
7. Wrap
8. Presentation

Ugh,already feeling the hint of a headache

*Slaps face

*Breathes in

*Exhale

Mind over matter

Amen.

Birthday Surprises

It's weird how people tend to prioritise 18th and 21st birthdays.Hey,just saying.Not like it bothers me at all.In fact I wouldn't mind.Yes,I had mine just 24 hours ago.Hmm,to be honest I don't know what happen exactly in the surprisers point of view,but I'll share mine anyway.First of,I heard that Claire and Cynthia wanted to have a surprise party for me,but was cancelled.And that was just,at most 2 days after the actual date of my birthday.So,logically I didn't believe that they'd give up.And then,Cynthia went on a family trip which made it only possible to be held after wednesday.Tuesday,Bernice asked me if I could fetch her home after church.So,I said yes,no problem.And then the next day she apologises to me because she accidentally blurted out the fact that I accepted Christ.Even then I never suspected anything.Honest.The next day,when Marcus logged into his facebook,I took a quick glance and somehow saw a chat which consists of "Jonathan Lau and 11 others".I actually saw the words "11 others" first.So,I thought,perhaps it's about Taekwondo related issues.At night,before I shut me eyes,I went into deep thought.Hmm,why would Jonathan be involved?Only possible answer,a surprise party.Why,you ask?Because never in history of the three August idiots,that I wouldn't be involve in something that there were both involved in.But I wasn't satisfied with just such a shallow conclusion.I dug deeper.Which made me recall the word "cake" that Marcus,Cynthia and Claire were whispering about.So now I got two evindence items.But I'm the kind of person who rather dies than to suffer in curiousity.Which made me question Bernice about the reason she told whoever it is about me going to church.She said I'll know about soon,because she doesn't have the courage to tell.I would've believed if I hadn't saw that facebook chat.So,I finally got three pieces of a puzzle.She wouldn't tell me why,because it would reveal the time of the party.And the only reason she told must've been because it is during church and she is the only one that knew I wouldn't be home.So that's three.Then I remembered my mother asking me how to spell elder sister,in Mandarin.Why makes me recall of the time Marcus told me about how he accidentally texted my mother and she played the "Jie Jie" joke on him.Which sums up to four.It's just a matter of placing the pieces of the puzzle together.Just because I act like an idiot doesn't mean I am one you know.It's funny how everyone keeps on asking me the same question : How did you know?Well all I did was point my finger towards my brain.I told my mother and brother as well.My mother reacted the same like others.My brother didn't even flinch.He said,"It's no surprise that you know there's a surprise".Perks of being my elder brother I guess?

Well,don't feel bad.At least I didn't know that it would be in my own house,right?Not until 10 seconds before I enter the house.Because I heard voices,and thought there were distant relatives or something.Which made me look at the shoes and slippers at the doorstep.And I saw a very,V-E-R-Y familiar white slipper.Then I could only chuckle and say three words,I KNEW IT.If there's one thing I can always trust on,it's my instinct!So then,"SURPRISE!".Set up some tables,chairs and barbeque equipment.Jokes here and there,laughter everywhere.Truth is,it's exactly the same as our usual outings.With the addition of better food.Everything else is exactly the same.So why bother with surprises?Maybe it's because it gives a good feeling that you have friends.We need not any good activities,excellent food nor fancy restaurants.We only need them to attend.Here's a rating for the surprise party,8/10.I personally think it's successful and organisers did well to keep the secret.But I'm better,*laughs.Damn it,it's hard to make a statement sound playful or in a jokingly manner without smileys.And my mother is as always,overfriendly.My brother was spot on when he said that she is probably feeling even happier than me after the party.Okay this is to that certain someone who always beats herself up : it's not your fault that you were being quiet because anyone would've been if they were in the exact same situation and it's defnitely not nobody's fault that I found out,I'm observant you know,*winks.Oh come to think of it,the fifth puzzle piece was that you said you were gonna attend a party which you wouldn't know anyone.If it was me,I wouldn't have gone.So,who's the real coward hmm?Hey,you were the key factor that lured me to the party.Birthday boy says it's fine,so it's all good!Just didn't felt good because the last party before PMR that you attended sucks for you.I'm really sorry.6 years ago,I wanted to go to SMK Damansara Jaya so badly because I'd know a lot of people there.Instead,I've been given SMK Taman Sea.And now after that highschool chapter of my life,I can finally see the result.Maybe I've always been destined to go Taman Sea afterall.Regrets?Nah.Thanks.It was fate that made me befriend you because,I was sitting next to you in 1 Lili.Oh wait,actually I do regret not more stupid stuff.What?I can still do it now?I'm too old for these stuff.Amen.(Pictures not available as it is not uploaded yet)