New House

Alright I'm back.Sorry about the one month self-given leave.Let's just leave it at I'm 'busy'.Well there is something new,I'm no longer staying in Paramount.So that's one week of transporting funitures and stuff.My back has been in pain since then.Thanks to the mopping,wipping,sweeping,carrying and dusting.Oh,to be specific,sweeping is multiplied by ten.My mother actually went and erm,exorcise?the house.The exorcist used some burnt substance and rice and scatter them all over every corner of the freaking house.Protection from ghost or thief?Either way,I'm sure its 'effective'(rolls eye).On the bright side,my brother finally knew how it isn't pleasant to feel that pain,haha.By the 6th of November,the house finally became habitable.And then throughout the second week my internet connection was unavailable due to the change of address.So I lived on Doraemon comics and took many naps a day.Not like not using computer is gonna make me study anyway.

Then the third week is when I got lazy although I had my connection back.So I decided to postpone it until after I'm done with my final Math paper.And here we are,two weeks of living in this new house.I finally have my own room,can be as messy as I want,hah.By the way,people seemed surprised that I'm moving again.That's like twice I've moved within a five year range.That's not so often right?When in reality,this is actually my seventh house.So can anyone really blame me for not having an actual home for 18 years?Doesn't bother me though,a home is much more complicated than a simple house.Right,the Math exam.I honestly think,I'm gonna fail.Sigh,prepare to pay for extra college fund.Thinking of getting a new phone as well.Second-handed android phone which my friend is selling for Rm200 because he is a rich fellow.Hmm,still considering it.I can pay for that and let my mom use mine since she wanted to use mine for a long time anyways.Change my blog template to a more clearer view for the readers.Yes I know the design is very noob-ish.It took some time to figure out how to change it actually.And I actually manage to make the chatbox go missing.Took me more than an hour to figure that out.Looks like I've no talent in blog design eh?There's lots more to write but it's getting late,or early?I'll continue this tomorrow.Hopefully this new house will actually be a h-o-m-e like this song.

Let all God's people say..?AMEN.

Time in the hospital

Apologies for going on a hiatus.Been busy with some errands.When I do have the time,I somehow didn't felt like blogging.But when I felt like blogging,I didn't have the time.Anyway,lets talk about hospitals and everything related to it such as doctors,nurses,patients,visitors and stuff.So recently my little brother was hospitalised only because of my mother who overreacts to every abnormal condition her kids have.When I say hospitalised,it really is just massive vomitting.Sure it's okay to be a little pampered once in a while but never make it a daily thing.He's eight and he doesn't even know how to get water(to drink) on his own.So I took the chance to teach him how to,and he's doing it like he's done it everyday.Mother says she doesn't want the hot water to burn him.That's not called caring.Why not teach him to do it on his own,and if he does get burned once,he'll know to be careful some other time.Like the old saying,give the man a fish,he eats for a day.Teach the man how to fish,he eats forever.Don't give me the think-about-how-she-feels judgement.I'm not so simple minded as to list out my opinions without a thought.Anyway this leads us to,me staying in the hospital waiting for the emergency doctor from 11pm till 2am.After that it was recommended that my brother be admitted to the hospital for monitoring purposes.Fyi,it was the Sunway Medical Centre.My mother stayed in the hospital and I drove home.The next day,I drove there and back two times each so that my mother gets to shower and eat etc etc.The third day,I drove there and waited for 3 hours for the bill and then my brother was discharged from the ward.

So here's my problem.To be clear,my brother did not suffer at all the whole time.So I did as my mother told me to and drive here and there because I wanted to test her theory of 'caring'.No doubt,love comes with suffering.But,isn't it simplier to just NOT FALL SICK?I'm saying this because both of them,my mother and brother gets sick often.Everyone's idea of love is to stand by one's side when they are in need.Why can't they just do something simplier and not worry or cause trouble to anyone.Here's my idea of love : when I start to get ill,I do something about it myself and refuse to go to the doctor because it will cost money.I didn't even tell anyone about being sick except my blog.I can't really blame my brother,he's still a kid.Ever since he was young he had lung problems.And instead of exercising,my mother chose vitamins and chinese herbs.I never had the right to voice out my opinion.It's okay if I have nothing to do with my brother,but when she needs help,I 'MUST' help otherwise she'll get emotional and that will piss me off so much.When she doesn't need help,I'm the guy who teaches-my-brother-in-the-wrong-way-and-don't-know-anything.And everytime either of them get sick,I have to deal with her emotional state.I will never understand why we have to pity and comfort emotional people.It's like,I'm emo = I'm the boss = please pay attention and act according to my reaction.I really hope I don't burst out on the wrong person one day,but I'm really at my limit.Though I learned something at my time at the hospital which is related to some lyric I heard in a Christian song.Those people waiting at the hospital,most of them were couples,because their child fell sick.Both the mom and dad were there,except my brother's.The lyric I heard in the song was,"Fathers were not made to leave".So I think ya'll get my point.Amen.

Torture

Article 3 of the Human Rights Act 1998 held the prohibition of torture,without any exceptions.And Article 4 instead helds the prohibition of slavery.Forced labour included(unless one is punished to do community work).Pretty thankful for the studying I did actually.Now I'm able to remember most of the contents of the few chapters I fancy one of which is called the 'Human Rights Act 1998'.Probably because of what I've seen throughout my life,rights doesn't seem to exist at all.It's all about whether you're old or not.Let me just say that,that is a shallow way of thinking.Anyway before I get tempted and drift off to another story,read this tragic story of a tortured woman.

DAY 1: November 22, 1988: Kidnapped
Kept captive in house, and posed as one of boy’s girlfriend
Raped (over 400 times in total)
Forced to call her parents and tell them she had run away
Starved and malnutritioned
Fed cockroaches to eat and urine to drink
Forced to masturbate
Forced to strip in front of others
Burned with cigarette lighters
Foreign objects inserted into her vagina/anus
DAY 11: December 1, 1988: Severely beat up countless times
Face held against concrete ground and jumped on
Hands tied to ceiling and body used as a punching bag
Nose filled with so much blood that she can only breath through her mouth
Dumbbells dropped onto her stomach
Vomited when tried to drink water (her stomach couldn’t accept it)
Tried to escape and punished by cigarette burning on arms
Flammable liquid poured on her feet and legs, then lit on fire
Bottle inserted into her anus, causing injury
DAY 20: December10, 1989: Unable to walk properly due to severe leg burns
Beat with bamboo sticks
Fireworks inserted into anus and lit
Hands smashed by weights and fingernails cracked
Beaten with golf club
Cigarettes inserted into vagina
Beaten with iron rods repeatedly
Winter; forced outside to sleep in balcony
Skewers of grilled chicken inserted into her vagina and anus, causing bleeding
DAY 30: Hot wax dripped onto face
Eyelids burned by cigarette lighter
Stabbed with sewing needles in chest area
Left nipple cut and destroyed with pliers
Hot light bulb inserted into her vagina
Heavy bleeding from vagina due to scissors insertion
Unable to urinate properly
Injuries were so severe that it took over an hour for her to crawl downstairs and use the bathroom
Eardrums severely damaged
Extreme reduced brain size
DAY 40: Begged her torturers to “kill her and get it over with”
January 1, 1989: Junko greets the New Years Day alone
Body mutilated
Unable to move from the ground
DAY 44: January 4, 1989: The four boys beat her mutilated body with an iron barbell, using a loss at the game of Mah-jongg as a pretext. She is profusely bleeding from her mouth and nose. They put a candle’s flame to her face and eyes.Then, lighter fluid was poured onto her legs, arms, face and stomach, and then lit on fire. This final torture lasted for a time of two hours.Junko Furuta died later that day, in pain and alone. Nothing could compare 44 days of suffering she had to go through.
When her mother heard the news and details of what had happened to her daughter, she fainted. She had to undergo a psychiatric outpatient treatment.Imagine her endless pain.
Her killers are now free men. Justice was never served, not even after 20 years.
They deserve a punishment much greater than they had put upon Furuta, for putting an innocent girl through the most unbearable suffering.
This story from 1989 is true. Please spread her story around. Everyone should know about the existence of Junko Furuta’s unimaginable and incomprehensible suffering, and this is why this group has been made.
Invite your friends. Never let her story be forgotten. If this story changes the life of at least one person then it has been worth it.
Rest In Eternal Peace,
Junko Furuta
1989-Eternity


Okay take a breather.Wipe your tears,if needed.I must compliment on her will to live and faith.To be honest,I'd give up after a week,probably already looking for a way to kill myself.I mean,you did read the whole story right?Everyone probably had the same reaction,"Oh my God".What the hell were the authorities doing for 44 days?I sincerely doubt they were trying their best to search for this poor lady.And what the hell were the legal department doing?!It is said the killers walk free,which indicates that they went through court proceedings but were never sentenced to any punishment.I'm not a smart person,I can't be a doctor and save others.I'm don't have the qualifications to be a police offer,I can't go after criminals.But what I can do is be the best damned lawyer and change things for messed up countries,such as ours,Malaysia.Police officers doing whatever they want,a bunch of power control freaks.And there is nobody to justify their absurb attitude as their superiors,the government body themselves are control freaks.So how would one ever hope to change this no-rights-existant country?Thankfully,due to the effects of United Nations,recently the worst Bill of Rights called 'ISA' has been put out of effect.In a way,this is torture.Government basically made a rule that allows anyone to be arrest if we even try to go against them.Democratic country?Yeah right.So yeah,we always have to worry about every little thing we say,our actions are restricted.You could called it mental torture.Still,Junko Furuta was one of the most toughest person to ever lived.In an honest opinion,I'd say some people really don't deserve to live,such as monsters like those 4 men.However,if I were given the authority,I'd never kill them.Who am I to judge one of my fellow species whether he lives or dies.Only something or someone higher has the right to do so.Also,there is no justification for murder.If somebody kills those 4 men,he or she is as bad as those criminals themselves.So,do you think the killers deserve to live?

Rest in peace,seriously.

Amen.

Proper Timing

Everything you do in life has several main factors to it's success.And everything needs to have a certain timing.From suicides to marriage proposals.Well,those suiciders who cares about timing are probably attention seekers.Moving on.Authorities normally inform at least a month or so beforehand when there's an upcoming exam.That's proper timing.So people will be like "Gasp,I have to start studying".And people are right.Although to me it seems like a month is more than enough time needed for preparation.So much time that it causes one to take it easy and slack for at least half of the time period given.And then after that for everyday I didn't do revision,I'll be like "I'll do it tomorrow,it's only a day wasted".Happens everytime it's two weeks away from the dateline.And I'll convince myself I've just wasted 'only a day' for 13 days.The last day is always reserved for 24hour non-stop revision.I made an oath for it not to happen this time as it will be the most important paper yet.And surprise!It happened again.Such a vicious habit,no wonder sloth is one of the famous seven deadly sins.

Here's what I think about exams before entering college.I'd say that they're not as important as the teachers or your parents make it sound like.It's either do or die.In which case I mean,either aim for straight A's and granted a scholarship or just put in sufficient effort to not fail any subjects(you need credits for college).People say it's important.Teachers say the result slip is important if you wanna be able to get a job in the future.Okay,I'm not gonna spout out assumptions.But here's a theory worth hearing.Let's say you wanna be an accountant.So it's obvious you have to work hard on your accounts and always put your best efforts into it.But for science,I don't think it's neccessary to aim so high unless,scholarship is your goal.I mean,do your think your future employer will not hire you because you didn't ace your science when you're an accountant?I think you have the answer to that.And after going through college,university and the diploma-degree-masters-phD phase,I doubt the SPM or PMR certificate is of any importance.Employers will obviously only look at your recent achievements in education right?However,your character and personality in High school will be observed everywhere you go,so,don't be an ass.This is just an individual's(me) opinion.It will never hurt to try your best everytime you sit for an examination.That's for the best for your future.

So this is me,just barely finished my studies due to my 'honourable' timing.Oh yeah,the final stage will always be like "Damnit I should've started studying earlier" or "How will I be able to finish this in one day?!".Don't get me wrong,I hate doing last minute work.Somehow I just always end up doing the same routine.12am of the day of my exam,I fell sick and still have a few chapters left to study.Major headache and neckache(symptoms of fever).Here's what I did.Ate panadol and prayed for recovery after I take a 2 hour nap and promised to wake up and continue with my studies.I couldn't sleep,and decided to study despite the extreme pain in the brain.Suddenly the pain vanished,like seriously.Maybe it's the work of panadol.Maybe it's God's work.It's like He's punishing my for always doing a last minute work and once I learned my lesson he made the fever symptoms go away.Maybe it's just a coincedence because panadols are very effective?Just wanna say Thank you that a mini-miracle happened.Timing's a bitch but You couldn't have chose an even proper timing.Amen.

Physical Pain

Notice the word physical.Let's leave emotional pain for another time shall we?What makes people conclude that physical pain are inferior compared to emotional ones?Here's my guess.You can't scratch it.Or give it a gentle massage to temporarily ease the pain.Well,technically you can scratch it but that would mean ripping your chest open,so,yeah.I guess that theory itself is pretty similar to why chicken pocks is rated the worst itch-related infection.Not because it's incredibly itchy but because you can do nothing about it as scratching it would spread the pocks and might leave scars.Then you'd look like me,a dalmation.Okay enough about the comparisons.Let's talk about external and internal injuries.

External
Very visible as it could be either swollen or bleeding.Easily heals if left alone and treated properly.Pain is bareable as long as the wound isn't dug deeper.Downside is,it might leave a scar if it isn't left alone until it heals completely.

Internal
Only visible if it's swollen.Swells could be caused by injured bone or flesh(I was once pinched so hard that a part of my arm swell for two weeks).Doesn't heal if no treatment is done and might risk further injuries in the future when we're old.The pain is the type that is out-of-this-world.You know how when we over-laugh,no sound comes out?The kinda pain is the kind that is so-pain-you-can-hardly-breathe-therefore-not-making-a-sound.Worst I ever felt was the treatment given to a dislocated ankle.Of course fixing a broken bone would be much worst.

What's itching now is my entire spine.It's constantly pain and I can't do anything about it.I feel like removing that whole bone and brush it like how I brush my teeth.It's an undescribable feeling.No massage can ease the pain.Temporarily yes,permanently no.Doing things I enjoy doesn't exactly spell me a good time.Badminton? The endless jumps put an incredicle amount of pressure on it.Workout?Well,also puts a lot of strain on the spine.It is the main beam for a human's entire body structure,so yeah,can't avoid it being used a lot.I've always wanted to cure,well mostly because it really hurts like hell.Somehow it gets worst day by day.I wake up with a backache,sucks.I thought about it.And no matter how much I want to get myself fixed,it seems like it's always a second-placing desire.Meaning it's not what I want the most.Something in my mind is telling me that I can hold on.Maybe just a little longer until I get what I really want.What is it that I really want?I myself am not sure of it.But getting fixed is definitely second is line of my desire.Amen.

 Had to post this.

Just to damn funny.

Absence

Last Saturday was just truly,inconvinient.However this Saturday is just unavoidable.Car not available and thus means I won't be able to use it.Hooray?Absence in what sense..hmm.I have a few topics in mind actually.Most of them are based on experience and my own opinion with,of course,the absence of emotions and based purely on logical reasoning.

1. Absence of parental guidance
2. Absence of knowledge
3. Absence of faith
4. Absence of heart

Okay.I'll acknowledge the fact that parents play a big role in their children's lives and will also be a big influence.Only seems fair to say that now as later on I'll definitely ramble on about the 'bad-side'.I personally think that to be only 20% true.I am the biggest proof there is.I wasn't raised to ask questions nor think for myself.But here I am,the outcast of the entire family(Just to clarify,I've been feeling this way ever since I was 7,not just recently).People say I was pampered or something.I have to say,my mom did a great job on her part.But to be honest,she did took care of me,but I literally have none of her qualities,or maybe I don't want them.People say a mother provides feministic personality while the father provides masculinity properties.Not true either.Just because they are your parents doesn't mean you have to grow up like them.Sure,phychologically everyone would think that way.So generally what I'm saying is,no matter who the parent is,I think you'll be who you're destined to be.People go on asking,'hey you wanna talk about it?' when I told them my parents are divorced.Sure,I could say I'm stressed and sad and all.But think about it.It's obvious the ones who hurt the most isn't me.I don't get emotional,don't share problems.It's because I've already consulted myself.And the best thing to do is to figure out what to do next.Instead of moaning and groaning about it.Why do people love to do that?I am most definitely not happy with my life but that does not give me the right to get moody about it in front of others.Which is one of the reason why I tend to avoid people who are moody.I'm already unhappy and yet I still have to tolerate other's public moodiness.Oh boy you sure haven't seen me angry yet huh?


Knowledge.One of the things in life you'd have to work for.Some have the heart,have the determination.Unfortunately,sometimes that's not enough.Knowledge is probably the only field where one is allowed to be greedy.As for medical related people,if you want to save people,it is definitely better to crave knowledge.'Respect yourself if you want other's to respect you' can also be altered into 'Save yourself,if you want to save other's'.No point jumping into the sea to save somebody when you don't know how to swim.Some call it kind or brave,well to me that's just plain selfish and stupid.You'd rather get rid of two lives than one.

Oh this one is definitely something everyone should have.What they shouldn't have is the absence of faith.Ever took a risk before?Or did something you were unsure of,but had hoped that it would go smoothly?That's faith.Believing in something based on nothing.Hey it's harder than it sounds.Even unpleasant things such as gambling.You'd bet your money hoping to win more money without a reasonable explaination how it would happen.So basically there is a sign,or at least an existance of faith.Well,me?I just,have faith that one day I will have faith.I just believe in it,no reason why.Because it isn't something you'd be able to see nor hear nor feel(literally) nor smell nor taste.What makes one believe in it is the spiritual feeling it gives.That's why people say we 'walk by faith not sight'.I don't really believe that now,but yeah I'm working on it!Absence of me in the church yet again this week,sigh.

By 'absence of heart' I did not mean,'what if a human body has no heart?'.I meant what would happen if there were no feelings.No needs.No wants.No desires.No likes nor dislikes.Well,it would mean you're alive and existing.But most definitely not living.Sure you're breathing and moving.But that would be nothing more than a robot that has an oxygen tank attached to it.Everyone has one,yes even criminals have hearts that most don't understand.Because we have hearts,we are capable of having dreams,as in what we want out of life.And we will have the strength to fight for it.Now isn't that romantic?Well,for now I do wish there was the absence of examination season.I want it to end so badly!Amen.

Schedule

Well,something important but not necessary.Unless one aims for a certain goal which then makes schedule a necessity.Unfortunately,yours truly intends to aim high.Not the wisest choice as the moment of truth is just,less than 2 weeks away.But hey,better late than never right?At least my sleeping hours are not messed up anymore which make things heck a lot simplier.

Morning - Noon : For every hour,I'd greedily reward myself with a 20-minutes-long tv series,the rest I'd use it to do revision
Noon - Evening : Same thing.At 5.30pm I'll start my daily exercise.
Evening - Night : Revision starts at 8.00pm.Sleep early,latest by 1.30am.

Now if you'd take a look at that,not-well-thoughtout schedule of mine,you'd realise that even though I'll spend quite some time watching movies,the time spent for revision is not to be underestimated.Let's say that schedule is about 10 hours long,that would be 40 minutes for every hour an thus,resulting in 400 minutes which is about 6 hours and a half!Holy cow that's long. Considering I've only studied for about an hour today,and only covered one chapter,Judicial Precedent.Distractions everywhere eventhough I avoided using the computer.Maybe I should give myself more credit,I did stop going for late night drinks,and did not stop exercising since I've started.I actually like being,erm,warm?and loosen up and able to automatically wake up early.Well,the perks of being the Healthy-Me.Now I really need to learn to study,seriously.18 years without studying makes the task of studying NOT easy at all.Studying is the sugar-coated word for mental torture.True story.Without a schedule,24 hours can feel like 5 hours,or less.However,when I'm studying,an hour feels like,3 hours,at least.Maybe it's actually a good thing,more time to study.No loss for me.But I must refrain from using the computer,otherwise....well,you know how it always ends up.Tip for studying?Hmm,I've always been doing it for myself,and trust me,it doesn't work.Try doing it for something else,or someone else.Pride,envy,fear, revenge,love,hatred.Some of the emotional tools available to push yourself.Or you can always challenge a friend in getting a better grade.Just try your best,after studying properly.I probably have no right to preach about this topic.But then again,I have the most right to do so,as I speak from something called experience.Which follows by the feeling of regret.I don't regret about getting such bad grades from not putting in effort.I just regret the part about not putting in effort.In the end,the decision is still up to oneself.As long as it is your own decision.The bottomline is that,studying.....Sucks.Amen.