Absence

Last Saturday was just truly,inconvinient.However this Saturday is just unavoidable.Car not available and thus means I won't be able to use it.Hooray?Absence in what sense..hmm.I have a few topics in mind actually.Most of them are based on experience and my own opinion with,of course,the absence of emotions and based purely on logical reasoning.

1. Absence of parental guidance
2. Absence of knowledge
3. Absence of faith
4. Absence of heart

Okay.I'll acknowledge the fact that parents play a big role in their children's lives and will also be a big influence.Only seems fair to say that now as later on I'll definitely ramble on about the 'bad-side'.I personally think that to be only 20% true.I am the biggest proof there is.I wasn't raised to ask questions nor think for myself.But here I am,the outcast of the entire family(Just to clarify,I've been feeling this way ever since I was 7,not just recently).People say I was pampered or something.I have to say,my mom did a great job on her part.But to be honest,she did took care of me,but I literally have none of her qualities,or maybe I don't want them.People say a mother provides feministic personality while the father provides masculinity properties.Not true either.Just because they are your parents doesn't mean you have to grow up like them.Sure,phychologically everyone would think that way.So generally what I'm saying is,no matter who the parent is,I think you'll be who you're destined to be.People go on asking,'hey you wanna talk about it?' when I told them my parents are divorced.Sure,I could say I'm stressed and sad and all.But think about it.It's obvious the ones who hurt the most isn't me.I don't get emotional,don't share problems.It's because I've already consulted myself.And the best thing to do is to figure out what to do next.Instead of moaning and groaning about it.Why do people love to do that?I am most definitely not happy with my life but that does not give me the right to get moody about it in front of others.Which is one of the reason why I tend to avoid people who are moody.I'm already unhappy and yet I still have to tolerate other's public moodiness.Oh boy you sure haven't seen me angry yet huh?


Knowledge.One of the things in life you'd have to work for.Some have the heart,have the determination.Unfortunately,sometimes that's not enough.Knowledge is probably the only field where one is allowed to be greedy.As for medical related people,if you want to save people,it is definitely better to crave knowledge.'Respect yourself if you want other's to respect you' can also be altered into 'Save yourself,if you want to save other's'.No point jumping into the sea to save somebody when you don't know how to swim.Some call it kind or brave,well to me that's just plain selfish and stupid.You'd rather get rid of two lives than one.

Oh this one is definitely something everyone should have.What they shouldn't have is the absence of faith.Ever took a risk before?Or did something you were unsure of,but had hoped that it would go smoothly?That's faith.Believing in something based on nothing.Hey it's harder than it sounds.Even unpleasant things such as gambling.You'd bet your money hoping to win more money without a reasonable explaination how it would happen.So basically there is a sign,or at least an existance of faith.Well,me?I just,have faith that one day I will have faith.I just believe in it,no reason why.Because it isn't something you'd be able to see nor hear nor feel(literally) nor smell nor taste.What makes one believe in it is the spiritual feeling it gives.That's why people say we 'walk by faith not sight'.I don't really believe that now,but yeah I'm working on it!Absence of me in the church yet again this week,sigh.

By 'absence of heart' I did not mean,'what if a human body has no heart?'.I meant what would happen if there were no feelings.No needs.No wants.No desires.No likes nor dislikes.Well,it would mean you're alive and existing.But most definitely not living.Sure you're breathing and moving.But that would be nothing more than a robot that has an oxygen tank attached to it.Everyone has one,yes even criminals have hearts that most don't understand.Because we have hearts,we are capable of having dreams,as in what we want out of life.And we will have the strength to fight for it.Now isn't that romantic?Well,for now I do wish there was the absence of examination season.I want it to end so badly!Amen.