Glad

The feeling you get everytime you're upset,thinking that nothing else matters in the world,wanting it all to just end with the blink of an eye,wishing for the bad things to disappear into thin air and at the end of the tunnel you see a light.The 'light' in which I mentioned is a person.Someone who knows you,knows your pain, understand you pain,helps you to get over your agony,and for some cases,shares the same dream,the same goal.No doubt I have friends just like any other human being out there.But it might just be a face,you know? You know the saying,"Friends are the family you choose"?It is definitely going into my list of principles. What is so important about blood?It is a bond,such that is it so weak and frail that one is able to perceive and see it with one's own eyes.Concern and care on the other hand,is what it is really all about, something that cannot be seen,only felt through sincerity.I once made the mistake of thinking (A) was perfect, was what i always wanted to be,and was my mentor,my guider.And (B) was nothing but a annoyance in my life,and he was the inheritor of an unfortunate gene,at least he thinks so?But now,I honestly don't know what happen to both of them.It's almost like they've switched places,or maybe I've changed.

(A) is self-righteous,prideful,never admitting to the truth,(B) is selfish,truthful,vulgarish.But you know what?At least (B) was always honest,ALWAYS.He's been through almost everything I have,he sees the the world as I do,he understand what is a family,what it takes to have one.We always questions ourselves,why are we here? Are we the wrong ones because we're different?If we are,they we'll leave,but why are we getting shackled? Why are we suppose to do what we should do,what does that mean anyway?You wanna know the truth in life,we are not suppose to do anything.We do want we want to do,not suppose to do.Do you,love someone because you-are-suppose-to?I don't know about that,but to me that is definitely not love.All I'm saying is,I'm really glad someone still sees the world the way I do.You know how it sucks to be alone,nobody knowing or even understanding what the hell are you thinking about.Maybe this is what you'd called a family. He doesn't care about respect or whatever shit,so basically he's more like a friend,and I respect that,I really do.I definitely want him to still exist in the future,definitely.Of course there are others,but one person per entry.And I'm glad.Till next time.

Ignorance

You know the saying,"ignorance is bliss"?Whoever made it is a genius but clearly has a lot on his plate if you know what I mean.Think of it this way,instead of thinking that it is disrespectful,think of it as an escape route for the one you're ignoring.I used to be able to ignore almost anything annoying people throw at me,but now, sigh.I guess it's true that nothing lasts forever huh?Imagine you're a game character.If somebody attacks you,you retaliate,correct?So basically it's a reponsive situation.But what if you dont respond,you keep getting damaged yourself with putting up a fight?I doubt anyone has such tolerance nor ignorance to keep it up for a long time.

And the thing is,why should we do so?To maintain the 'peace'?If so,why should we be the ones pretending everything is okay?While the other person do as they like however they like.Isn't this such a dishonest and unhealthy relationship?Trying to be someone else's idea of perfect is definitely not something you'd wanna keep in your life.And truth is,by ignoring we're actually giving mercy.Because if you didn't,I'd bet you'd feel unpleasent,and have the urge to shove anger into the person's face.However,as of now,I'm trying my best to tolerate,to ignore because I...we all have our promises right?Unfortunately,if my wall of ignorance is constantly being scratched,I've a feeling something bad is gonna happen.
Till next time.

Decisions

Let's face it.Most decisions we make that are against our will are often the ones that we don't keep.Say,you decided to change your lifestyle as it is to unhealthy?Or,stop slacking around with a bag of potato chips and start doing something productive.Unless there is an actual goal,or a influential motivation,people tend to just let it slide,you know,because it is not such a big deal.But it hit me,that if we can't even adapt to these little changes that we ourselves decided for the sake of ourselves,it's obvious we definitely won't be able to take in a huge decision,right?And if we're not able to keep that promise,that decision we've made,why bother publicly announcing it?Don't say "it's just something I said",if that's the case,although you never lied to anyone,you've been actually lying to yourself the entire time.

Since I was extremely young,I made a decision myself.What's odd is that,it wasn't just an immature decision, I'm actually still holding on to it.In fact,that decision grew,more hatred,more eager.Truth is,I thought it was just a temper tantrum that I released.It was actually far more than that.Maybe it's,because people never really do change.If you ever did see someone who's completely changed,maybe it's because you been confused with 'change' and their 'true self'.In my opinion,there is always someone out there in life,who you'll keep forever because that person is the one who has brought out the 'real you' or has unlock the lock within you. Sometimes,because of the decisions we make,we end up doing the wrong things.But,what is the true meaning of wrong?Doing something immoral?Or doing something against your will,something the exact opposite of what you truely want to do and lying to yourself in the process.There has always been a question in life that everyone has to answer themselves.Peace or freedom?But more on that some other time.

I have made a decision to do better in life.But,to do that,I really need to toss away a part of myself.Actually it isn't really a 'part' of me,more like something that has been forced on to me.I honestly never once picked this for myself.And if I keep caring about people's sake,people who I,sincerely have no problem with not caring about them at all,I will be sacrificing my own happiness.Why do I need to pity a person who,is very upset with life,because of the choices made BY that person itself.If anything,I shouldn't be to one doing the comforting,I should be the one being comforted.I'm honestly doing my best,trying ever way to make this, 'situation' better.But if this goes on,maybe I am destined to listen to my own decision afterall.For your sake, let's hope it doesn't happen.Seriously.

 

Choosing a career
Getting married
Starting a family
you did all this while you had your head up your ass
you did all this without making a decision
you did all this with pride and lust
you did all this thinking it's just a game
and you never once apologised

Those are several decisions in life
But the big decisions are the only ones that you have to make
It definitely will be the toughest
Because nobody can help you
After all long soul searching
I myself decided to take a big step
I've decided to .. on the ..
Till next time.

Perspective

For years,we all struggle in search of happiness,we yearn for the justice we want to be delivered. However, does absolute justice or true happiness really exists?Lets say,recently the police department manage to arrest a famous serial killer.Then,the court decided to take the word of a prosecutor and sentence that criminal to a death sentence.Yes,we can all tell ourselves that this is the greater good,that those who are evil should be punished.But really,that action alone is no different from plain murder.Maybe a little different,as the 'good guys' can kill officially as they have to the license to.On and on,I keep hearing people say that God loves us all.Then,isn't that death sentence defying God Himself in a way?Everybody tend to focus more on the fact that the killer only kill others when the truth is,his parents were killed when he was younger,and the police concluded it as an 'accident'.Is it really his fault to want revenge?It is really that easy to forgive people?It's obviously killing others is wrong.But why do people not emphatise with the killer's situation?All he wanted was justice served to his parent's murderer.Sure,we can all 'persuade' him to forgive and forget,but the truth is,none of us has the right to,because we will never know his pain,his devastation.People are so self-righteous. There is no such thing as true justice.I'm not being mean,just realistic.The word 'justice' changes it's shape depending on where you stand.So really,there is no good or bad,just,majority and minority.

True happiness.Not only does it mean happiness for,say,a couple?a family?Or even friendship.It means happiness for everything around them,the entire society,the entire environment.How certain are you that by being happy,you can guarantee 100% that you won't cause any birth of negative emotions aiming towards you.Lets say,you won a racing competition.Yeah,you're crying tears of joy,you're so happy.But to the ones who lost,you don't see them jumping around for joy.And you can't just say "It's their problem".Because they are really feeling upset at the moment.Okay,another example.You have an enjoyable life.You found your soulmate,you got married,you sincerely love your family,and your family feels the same way.Lets just say you're having the time of your life.And then,somebody less fortunate,say,a beggar.He notices how happy you are,how lucky you are.It's obvious he gets jealous,he gets upset because of the intensity of unfairness.And that jealousy,in time,bares hatred.So it's like this,love bares happiness,happiness bares jealousy,jealousy bares hate.Yeah,it is a vicious chain of reaction.And it's pretty obvious how humans are easily damages and how flawed they are.And sometimes,you see a bunch of gangsters.Thinking,how unfortunate they are,to live in such a way.True happiness,or the feeling 'happy' is when you yourself feel happy or at least think you're happy.If you sacrifice your happiness for the sake of other's happiness,that is most definitely not true happiness.So if a person tried to please everybody for their entire life,i wouldn't call it kind nor honourable.Maybe I have a twisted sense of logic but I think that's arrogance.The truth is,even God cannot satisfy every human.Some hate Him because God cannot grants everybody's wishes.And if God can't,and that 'kind' person thinks he can, don't you think,he thinks he can do better than God?Well,it's just a theory anyway.Me?Well I have no care for others at all.Call me evil,call me mean.But to my loved ones,I'll do my best to be somebody they'll lean. Everyone has their own journey,nobody'll be able to achieve 0 enemies in their life.Just do whatever it takes to achieve your own happiness.Nobody will give it to you.YOU have to Take It.So really,it's how you tend to look at things that define your judgement.Everything is not how it is,it is how you believe it is.

Sorry for the LONG wait.You know who you are.Till next time.

Dilemma

Black or white?Up or down?Left or right?Yes or no?Do or don't?Dilemma happens when one faces two seperate roads on their paths.All you see is a path which leads you somewhere you can't see,can't expect to happen.And the worst part is,we won't be able to turn back from that route.And sometimes,the choices we make always seem to be either the worse or the worst.But isn't that just us human being paranoid?I mean,if you want happiness,don't you have to sacrifice something or pay a certain price to attain it?Happiness doesn't just drop from the sky and lands right in front of you,you know.Everybody has to earn it,with their own bare hands filled with sweat and blood.

Say for instance,you're stressed out from a dilemma.What do you do?Pick the path that hurts nobody,keeping a secret from others and continue living your life with the thought that someday somebody might find out you knew the secret all along and therefore you were lying the entire time.Or choosing the alternative, the path that hurts a lot,because of telling the truth but it's because you love them that you told the absolute truth,I guess you could call it a long-term investment.All I'm trying to say is,anyone who has dilemmas and feels the need to interact with another because he or she might feel better when it is expressed, (depending on the individual of course,some might not feel better) they should do so,if it truely does make them feel better or think straight.If you're forced to carry this burden on your own,there is always a choice,yes or no,the brain or the heart,listen to either of it.For some,the heart's decision always seem to be the better one,for others,the brain's decision is the better one.It all depends on your own personal experience with dilemmas,whatever past mistakes you made, was it the brain or the heart?So use the opposite,I'd think that it helps. Fyi,I'm not having a dilemma though.Got inspired by a movie I just watched.

Also,if one really did chose the wrong path
There really is no such thing as turning back
However,one can always walk off the path
You know,walk off the chessboard
and fix whatever shit that you've done
It's life,not a chess game
We can do whatever we want
Whenever we want
However we want
With whoever we choose
Till next time.

Sorry?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word?Maybe it isn't hard to say as a word.Watch this, sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry, sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry.See what I mean? Maybe it's because it's hard to be sorry for something you did or didn't do.Why would you feel sorry for something that means so much,so important?Or even something that you'd never regret?But why is it that we often hear the word?Reflex?Or because it's the protocol?Even I sometimes say "sorry" for no actual reason. After that,I'd look back and discover that I don't even feel sorry at all,not even a little bit.Am I just originally evil deep down?Or should I just fake a feeling,and lie to myself forever,would that be a better alternative?

Sometimes,because of lying(not telling the truth) we may often upset most people.But,how is it that even the truth may cause hurtful feelings?Maybe we should sometimes hide the ugly truth.Normally I'd just give a straight out answer coated with 100% of the truth.But,for others' sake,we'd lie,to keep that smile on their face.Thing is,we can't bare to lie to him(common term,may be a him/her/God/whatever).But after the truth comes out,both parties got hurt.And to avoid further upset-ness,both parties recuperate themselves instead of using the usual method,helping each other.See what I meant,the truth is never pretty.But we or,I know that whatever I do,has consequences.I am always prepared to face it.Unless it's an accident,then I'll never be sorry.And truth is,I'm not sorry at all.Hate me,love me,dislike me,like me,proud of me,disappointed in me, anything,I won't regret it.Because I've always been doing what I wanted to do.And I'd kill myself before stupidly backing down on something so important.Maybe we shouldn't be related or shouldn't have known each other,maybe then it'll cause us less pain.But I'll bare it,I'll bare the 1000kg of pain because I'd never regret it,keeping that frown away.So please don't say otherwise.I'm just hoping it's not just me though.No,I'm not being emotional.Remember,it's just an opinion.Till next time.

Individuals

People,human,mankind,men,women,children,senior citizens,crazy people. Despite whatever looks they have,whatever their appearance may be,whatever the skin of their colour,whatever size they are,whatever age they may be and whatever job they have,each of us are still an individual.We are who we are,doesn't matter if we're stupid or useless because in the end nobody can be better than you in being you.That's why you're,you!Individualism is a term where one prefers to be alone,prefers to do things alone.No,it ain't anti-social.He can choose to socialise whenever he wants to with whoever he wants  to.It's called the power of choosing.Although people say it's tougher do things in a big group with extraordinary teamwork,truth is,people crave the existence of other people.So really,instead of being so codependant,being a little more independant is less bothersome.

Although sometimes,you may find it hard for individualistic-personality people to open up.Maybe they are a little selfish.In fact,according to a moral term called the utilitarianism,men are selfish.Or at least men ought to be selfish.So really,maybe there is no such thing as being selfish at all.Is doing a good deed selfless?No,it isn't.The reason why people do good deeds is so that they may feel good about themselves,and thus,it is selfishness.

Always do what you want as long as you have the right to do so.Others don't like it?Then maybe they're the individuals who can't click well with you.Why bother trying so hard to change for someone who dislikes you,it's irrational.Also don't bother trying to change them,maybe it is wise to do so if you care for that person,otherwise,don't.You hate someone?You get out of there.Nice and simple.You love that person?You stay,no matter how bad things go.Instead of being upset of an individuals flaws,feel happy that you get to love it either ways and never making that person feel bad.

Nobody is perfect
But others being imperfect
does not mean you can easily be 'them'
Because everyone has their own speciality,I guess?
That's why,it's not easy,to be,me

Oh,and Happy 200th day of the year

Yeah,19th of July is the 200th day

Assuming it's not a leap year
Till next time.